2013 lessons

Reflecting back on then past year, I am amazed by all of the transformations I've made in my own life. Emotionally, physically, priorities, ideals, directions, goals, career... flip. Everything.

I started 2013 on a low note. I went through one of the most emotionally and physically painful experiences of my life... and as I launched full force into a job I moved cross-country for, I thought 2013 was mine. Finally, my chance to prove all my doubters wrong.
By March I realized I wasn't moving forward. Physically I reached a scary upswing in my physical yoyo. I was depressed and anxiety was crippling. I moved into my own place and woke up by the end of March, knowing the girl I saw in the mirror didn't match who I was inside.
Inspired by fitspo pages on IG I made changes. I tore my Achilles just as I was getting started, but I worked through rehab and my clean diet was on point. By summer I was on point and my body finally matched the image I had in my head.
I started to let myself lift heavy and I not longer feared my muscles. I met a man who supported me and supported everything I was aiming for...but he wasn't completely available. I played a secondary role in his life while allowing him to sit shot gun in mine.
I left one career with aggrandized promises of a sure-shot into another. As I struggled during transition, the man who I gave my heart to walked away with ease (seemingly) and I have struggled through the holidays trying to heal without using my food addiction as a band aid.
So now I'm here. I find myself more motivated than ever.
Lesson learned: be #1
Never let yourself settle for less than you deserve. Never allow a man/woman put you in second place...no matter how much they make your heart smile... be the best version of you... chase dreams... when others doubt you, prove them wrong... focus in yourself... take care of #1... be grateful for the little things everyday... win.
" Two is not a winner and three no one remembers."
Be #1... focus in you, never settle for less than you deserve/want and you'll find balance.
I am number 1.
Here's to 2014...being the best version of me, yet aiming to constantly improve.
Live.Love.Laugh...and lift ;-)

Closing in

As the end of the year quickly approaches, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed by everything. Heart break, job chasing, injury, impending family time, tempting foods...all this has been making my anxiety flair and my sleep patterns have been HORRIBLE (incredibly disturbing dreams included).

Yesterday, while checking out a gym in the burbs, a trainer asked what enhancers I take. I told him I'm 100% natural and he said he didn't believe me. WTF. I'm not a she-hulk! You know, it took me over 30 years to NOT feel like a genetic freak...but all it took was one ignorant prick while my defenses are weak and my self-esteem flat lined :-\

Anyway, today I decided to pick myself back up from that crumble! I slayed legs at the gym and then played dress up at home because it was too darn cold to go do anything else :)

OMG it's December

Holy wow... time flies!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've really been trying to focus on accomplishing tasks and updating the blog has gone on the back burner (just like I've posted on IG less frequently).

Well, Thanksgiving was a challenge, but I feel pretty good about it. Being at my mom's house any time is tough because of the accessibility of snacks and unconscious eating opportunities... plus being away from my gym... but I made myself stay around people for the 3 days I was home. When I'm around people, I am less likely to binge-- it's a private thing for me. Also, I didn't drink. I drank Thanksgiving night after we got home from my step aunt's house (thankfully, we didn't bring home any left overs) but not in excess-- just enough to fall asleep.

But yeah, for Thanksgiving I took microwave-steamable green beans with me and ate light meat turkey, stuffing (come on, it's my mom's recipe and pretty much my favorite thing ever) and green beans... I didn't have any potatoes nor creamed spinach... and then, I had a large piece of pumpkin pie (which, sadly, I was disappointed by). But I did cardio every day that I was home and did some arms & shoulders with the old weights I found in Ma's basement. When I go home for Christmas I'm going to get a week pass to either her gym or LA Fitness so that I can make sure I don't get TOO off track. Both of my brothers will be home, so a few days with them, crazy food, cookies, wine (I'll hardly drink), plus the anxiety being around family gives me... I'm REALLY going to need my gym time so I can decompress.

Here's go staying strong for December... "prepping" as much as I can for the 6 days I'll be with family at the end of the month so I can launch into 2014 feeling nothing but confidence!

Soft

Well, I've been struggling with all sorts of stuff lately...and yes, for a bit I was letting myself eat too many cheat foods. When I snapped out of that, I still found myself eating more than I should. I have kept working hard, but as we've all seen on fitspo mems, you can't out run a bad diet! Haha thing is I haven't gone for a run nor an actual cardio day in months! Haha ANYHOW... the stress I've been feeling because of my need for financial and emotional growth has let me get "soft."
Don't worry, I haven't been back sliding. I have overeaten, but kept it clean (still I shouldn't over eat)...but I was looking pretty hard for a while there and I have allowed myself to soften up.
I saw my best friend today after about 2 weeks and his reaction was unexpectedly positive! I mean, I haven't put in a lot (y'all have seen current pics on IG), but he is my "swolemate" and knows me better than anyone right now. Hearing my him simply encourage me to make sure I'm healthy and practicing good eating habits felt really good. He also reminded me to let myself feel good!!! And that, that is SO important.
He's right: when I get dressed and look my best, I radiate more confidence...and when you feel good, you attract more good vibes. Law of attraction! Boom.

So... my focus right now:
Be happy in my own skin.
- Don't freak out about diet
- Stay healthy and eat clean
- Don't sit around in PJs all day (get dressed and done up!)
Chase dreams.
- Get work!!!!
- Keep track of food to stay accountable.
- Heal (my hip needs rest)

So...I'm not freaking out about being softer. I am healthy! I'm letting myself embrace it and feel sexy in my skin!
Good things are going to happen.

Waste

I feel like I have a lot to offer the world. I am talented at many things... yet my whole life I have never been granted the opportunity to really prove myself. I cannot sit in a cubicle or behind another counter doing what any person who finished 8th grade could do. I have greatness within me...and I just need an outlet.
Wasted talent.

I let a whole week go by and I did nothing but workout and space. I'm eating clean and haven't had a drink...though I feel tormented by temptation. My support network is barely existent...and miles away.
If I stopped using social media, how long would it take for anyone to come looking for me? I'm not saying I'm ready to see, but my guess is: long enough.
XXO

Dear Universe,
Help. My dreams are all I have and hope is escaping me. I need gainful employment and to feel like success is possible. Please empower me and direct me to unlocked doors. If these brick walls get any thicker, I'll suffocate. Help.
XXO
Lindsay

focus

Most days I find it really easy to channel whatever emotion I'm feeling into my workouts and blast through; however, there have been a few days over the past week or so when I just feel lost. I catch myself zoning out between sets and blowing it. I'm working on me... of course, I'm working on all sorts of things in my life, but getting my mind right is #1. I have to feel balanced from within.
Now, don't roll your eyes because that was pseudo-cliche... but seriously, I need to focus. There are tasks that MUST be accomplished and they WILL BE. There is no other option. Failure is not falling down, it's refusing to get back up. I'm up. Bring it on.

No Cheat November

I'm swearing off cookies, candy, chips and other baked goodies... til Thanksgiving (since my mom would be pissed if I didn't eat everything at her holiday feasts LOL)... but I'm going to try my damnedest to lay off the cheats this month.
No cookies, chips, candy, donuts, bagels, yogurt pretzels, oreos, or munchies for 3 weeks. This will be a pre-test for how strong I can be once I officially start contest prep after new years-- but even harder since this time of year I feel surrounded and bombarded by temptation and my trigger foods.
Here goes nothing!

sucker punch

I might hit the corner and start being a beggar... or maybe I should turn tricks? Maybe I'll just finance boobs so I can start being a stripper or porn... since I can't get a job as a trainer. Well, wait, I got offered one. I turned it down because I was under the impression I could do so much better and that I was a shoe-in for my dream gym.
I can't seem to get a job as anything. The last 10 years of my life have been nothing but a bounce house. I've jumped from one job to another... laid off, cut to part time due to budget/grants, moving, contract work, losing interest, and even fired. The good ol' self-esteem issue is back in FULL FORCE right now and I'm feeling pretty worthless. I want this dream SO badly. But today a new blow... it was getting sucker punched and then looking up to see the man who had been in my corner was now in the ring watering down my opposition.

Don't ever depend on anyone else. You need to be self-reliant. You cannot NEED anyone.
...but don't ever let your loved ones feel like they're dispensable...
Balance is hard.

crunch time

I've been in limbo for almost 2 months now... wondering, waiting, trying... and nothing has happened yet. I have to get a job. This week is crunch time. I'm following up with every fitness application I've sent out and making something happen! I need this life. I need life.

costumes - new body

So... with my new "jacked" figure my original idea for Halloween this year was perfect. It was going to be hillarious (as long as I didn't run into a young crowd who didn't get it). But then my man invited me to a themed party. My costume ideas were tossed and I didn't order the things I'd need for that original idea since it didn't fit the theme. I got a few other things put together, but nothing I was very excited about-- the theme wasn't my favorite and really didn't inspire me to make anything that would be worthy of wearing anywhere other than a house party.
Alas... they decided to cancel that party and now I'm back to going to the biggest, longest running party in Chicago (same party I went to last year) and I'm not sure what I'm going to wear.
I don't like the whole slutty cop, sexy nurse bullshit.
Halloween is the ONE DAY (or weekend) where you get a free pass to dress up and act as WHATEVER YOU WANT! Anything you've ever dreamed of or fantasized about. Sadly, most women chose to look like sluts... because without a doubt, most American women wish it was socially acceptable to be promiscuous and to show off more skin without "looking like a stripper." While that could be a whole different blog post (maybe at some point), my point is that those costumes don't appeal to me.
I'm cutting it down to the wire and I need to come up with something fun, sexy (not slutty), and still creepy/scary (I mean, the whole point of all-hallow's-eve is to scare off the spirits as they arise before all saints). So, I have to find a few things and get creative.
It won't be my dream costume... but it needs to be good enough for the ATOMIC PARTY!!!

priorities

So, today I went to a seminar where one of the speakers talked about figuring out what your current priorities are. My first thought was:
1. Get a job (or several)
2. Balance finances
3. Stay on track with diet/fitness training goals
4. Strengthen local relationships
Then the speaker talked about how making sure YOURSELF is in the top 4... and how for him, they're more general: immediate family, self, extended family, business...
So... mine are all about me... and then me & other people is my #4.

I'm figuring what I want when it comes to #4... but more importantly, how do I get #1 (and in turn #2) to happen. I'm chasing my dreams. Figuring out how to balance life while those dreams take time is the hard part.
I'm looking for seasonal retail hours and whatever I can find while I am in limbo with my job as a trainer... and all the places I have dreams of THAT leading to once I build my business.

I want success. Success means making a difference is the lives of others. I need to matter in this world. I need to know if I were gone, I would be missed and not easily replaced (if at all). How do I become needed and stop needing others? Or is that a part of the balance?

Here's to hoping to can be employed in one way or another before the end of the month... *cheers*

Coming clean

So with all the temptations I have been fighting, I have definitely allowed myself more indulgences/cheats than I've earned. So...I haven't been eating super clean and I've put a few pounds on...nothing getting back to strictly clean for a week or two can't fix, but I went grocery shopping tonight and I'm stocked for the week (well, I need a few items from trader joes tomorrow). I'm going to workout 2-3 times a day for now... and eat strictly at net intake at my BMR.
I really wanna look good for Halloween! I really need to look good so I can get a job...several jobs.
Clean focus starts in the morning. No late eats tonight. Gonna medicate around 9 so I can fall asleep early and get after it tomorrow--workouts, job searching and follow ups with gyms I already contacted.
I am in control. I want to matter. I talked with my best friend today and he really made me feel like I matter...but he understands that as a professional I need to make a difference. I need to find MY success.
This is my time. 2014 will be the best me EVER!

Thoughts

Lately I've been fighting cravings harder than I can remember ever doing before. In the past, when they got this bad I gave in. I've been ruminating about binging: tearing through a whole box of Halloween Oreos, a pizza, a bucket of nice cream, a vat of chicken wings... my thoughts are consumed by consumption. But I'm not letting myself give in. I have come way too far and my dreams are so close...fuck off, brain. The addiction will not control me. I am in control!
One day at a time.

Adrenal Fatigue

So... I have a feeling that my body is going through Adrenal Fatigue. I recently read about this and in doing so a light went off in my head like, whoa, um, hello, this fits. Basically, being stressed for an extended period of time makes your hormones out of whack and so certain activity that would normally release certain hormones and burn calories don't..plus, you just feel exhausted all of the time. Caffeine and other uppers don't seem to work.


Being unemployed is totally getting to me. I really need a gym to hire me so I can feel like I've made the right choices and that I matter. I want to make a difference. I just want to feel like I'm doing the right thing. Doubt is overwhelming right now.

My life really is amazing right now... as soon as I am gainfully employeed, all of the missing/loose pieces will right themselves and I know I will feel better. Honestly, I've never been happier!! A big piece of the pie is missing, but it's the best tasting dessert I've ever had. Make sense?

...here's to hope...

1200 calories

Today, a friend shared this blog link with me... and I wanted to share it with the world because the woman who wrote it makes a LOT of sense.
http://sophieologie.wordpress.com/2013/09/26/1200-calories/
GREAT post.


Almost a year ago now, I moved to Chicago and thought I should shape up...that was really the start of this weightloss journey. I joined a gym right away! After being in the city for about a month, through friends, I met a trainer who told me to use the MyFitnessPal ap to track my calories and that it would help me lose weight. When I used that ap, I did the max of everything as I was determined to be strict and lose weight as quickly as I could (in a healthy way, I thought). When I started, I was 196 lbs (I'm 5'9.5") and the ap told me to eat 1200 calories, net, a day... so, it would allow me to add in my exercise (at least cardio) and I could intake those calories as well. The HIIT workouts I learned from that trainer were great and I had fun, and at least felt like I was doing something right... but I wasn't losing any weight. I was also ALWAYS hungry. I had more trouble sleeping than normal and it just wasn't working. At New Years, when everyone else in the world was promising themselves weight loss, I was just depressed.
So...some time passed... I went out to Utah for my best friend's wedding at the end of March. When I returned to the MidWest I saw a few of the photos from the party and didn't know the face I was looking at. The face of the girl I thought I'd put to rest back in 2008 (when I went from 215 to 160...just dieting). So I decided it was time to finally eliminate that stranger and get back the ATHLETE piece of my identity.

...most of you know how then I got injured but I did whatever cardio I could do (I'll write another entry about this error later), but my REAL breakthroughs and BEST progress with losing fat came when I met LGR and he told me I wasn't eating enough. I got to eat more and I was lifting weights without being afraid of muscle.

This year, I lost 30+ pounds of fat... I really don't know exactly how much fat I lost, but what I can tell you is that I've lost over 15% body fat.

L-E-T-S-G-O

Alright, so I took some time away from tracking every calorie and I've been working really hard to try to get a job.
I passed my test!! So, it's official, I am a CERTIFIED FITNESS TRAINER through the ISSA. I've applied at several gyms, though I REALLY want to work at the one with my mentor... it's just a matter of that fitness manager giving me an official start day (since I can't just wait around). So, that is TBA.

Anyhow, I'm going to keep track of what I eat each day. I'm going to keep working out really hard and aiming for around 1800 calories every day... not net, total. Days when I do EXTRA big workouts I'll be upping my intake and allowing a cheat now and then... but I really feel I need to focus if I want to be able to compete in the near future. I need my body to even out. What I mean by this is that before I was doing too much cardio to try to lose weight... I'm going to be lifting a lot more. Integrating my hypertrophy lifting with endurance sets as well so that I'm maximizing fat burn and paying better attention to what I eat right after each workout as to take most advantage during the metobolic spike post workout.

Also, I'm going to be trying out some meal prepping. I'm going to buy a bunch of tupperware and try to make a bunch of meals so that I am set for a few days...and don't let myself snack. I've been slipping a lot recently with snacks and allowing naughty foods because I know my body needs something and I don't take the extra few minutes to make something or go into an actual grocery store and grab the right thing (I've been grabbing what I think I'm craving instead of what I know my body needs).

So, I don't think I'll be posting every single day with what I ate (unless I get to a point where I feel like I need to keep myself publicly accountable)... but I will be posting more recipes and meals that I prep once that starts. I'm trying to record more of my workouts and I'd really like to get into posting more of that sort of thing...

I really want to be strict with myself this month. My plan is, for the first time in my life, to have a costume that shows off my stomach... but I'll change what I'm doing last minute if I'm not feeling confident enough!

So... October... Let's Go, Let's Go, L-E-T-S-G-O!

Few days to recollect

New approach to this blog coming after the weekend.
Hope everyone is healthy, happy and moving forward! Live out loud.

9/17

Oats & coffee this morning
Chocolate
Apple
Went to the gym for almost 3 hours. Worked shoulders, tris and abs. Had a great time with the gyys... I'm SO sore from yesterday!!!
Had kind of a binge though... 2 snack wraps and a mcdouble w/o cheese and just half the bun...plus a snack size mcflurry
Finished my essays for ISSA
All I have left is the assessment + 12 week training programs for the 2 case studies!
Chocolate
Salad: spinach, 1 egg & 1 white, sweet potato, mustard, grape tomatoes, vinegar
oats & apple sauce

Working legs again tomorrow... gonna focus on hammies (deadlifts) but MAN I'm sore from Monday!! Looking forward to lifting with new people. Should be fun :)

9/16

Overall a great day...
Oats ... then went back to sleep
Oats & Greek yogurt 3 hours later
Studied and hung out with a babe.
Went to lunch and loaded up on some carbs.
LEG DAY!
Sexercize warm up, squats(lots), smith reverse lunges, donkey kicks, hydrant kicks, leg extensions, walking lunges, squat jumps, step ups
Came home (longest drive w/city traffic ever)
Slaw, half avocado, jalapeño, tofu, mustard, vinegar, pepper & spices

Started my ISSA CFT test...it takes a long time!! I'll finish this week... 99% sure I'm starting at the gym I really want by next month!! :)))

9/13

Friday the 13th!!!
Life can be scary. New things can be terrifying. I'm so excited about new endeavors but scared at the same time. I'm fighting off self doubt... needing my confidence to shine!

oats, instant coffee, apple
popchips
Kombucha
Brussels sprouts, avocado
Apple
Chocolate
Brisket, salad, sweet potato
Arctic zero

Day off from any sort of working out felt weird...but I slept like crap last night and used today to spend quality time with somebody I really care about. Gotta kick my ass tomorrow with cardio, core and maybe some arms.

9/7

Went out with friends in town from SLC and drank...then scarfed Subway late. Bad. Feeling so soft today, but not gonna get mad. I'm focusing and scrounging up every ounce of will power to behave.
Big breakfast.
150 - oats
50 - 1/2 scoop protein
200 - 2 bananas

-400 4.5 mile walk

80 - apple
80 - pear
180 - protein bar
100 - pop chips

8:00
350 - unwich
160 - 2 apples

-200 6.5 miles biking
-500 arc trainer, arms and abs

11p
100 - bag Cole slaw
100 - sweet potato
100 - 1/2 medium avocado
30 - lime & mustard

400 - 2 cookies
150 - Arctic zero

Emotional eating 9/6

Yesterday was weird for me...I didn't go to the gym for the first time in months...I was doing well with food til later in the evening when I ate some junk before a date...idk what that was, but then this morning I let myself go to 7-11 and buy more junk. Well, I'm done. I have been twisting all sorts of ridiculousness around in my head...and I know this unconscious, irrational eating is a result of that.
I had a binge-y morning...but I'm caffinating myself and getting ready for a day full of calorie burning.
No more yo-yos. I will never be fat again. I have chosen to live a happy, healthy life as a fit person and I want to inpire others.
The rest of today will be tough...I need to eat, but minimal calories and burn as many as I possibly can to get rid of the 1200 I shoveled in this morning.

Walk to gym (2 miles)
RDLs, good mornings, hamstring curls, lateral leg raises, wide pull ups, trx hanging rows, reverse fly, bosu burpees, donkey kicks, hydrant crossover kicks
Walk 6.3 miles
-1000

5:00
105 - protein shake
150 - 4 medium zucchini w/Pam & Mrs Dash
Net.455.

9/5

7:30
150 - 1/2c oats
50 - 1/2 scoop protein isolate
80 - 1/2c crushed pineapple

11:00
150 - 1/2c oats
25 - 3 medium egg whites
25 - nutritional yeast

I might actually take today off from the gym...first time in a long time. But I'm gonna be social today...part of focusing on me :)
-300 biked 11 miles
200 - 2 vodka sodas

6:00
100 - bag of broccoli slaw
100 - 1/2 medium avocado
20 - tomato
75 - chia & nutritional yeast
.675.

9/4

7:30
150 - 1/2c oats
80 - 1/2c pineapple

10:00
220 - dark chocolate

1:00
50 - 6 medium egg whites
50 - peas & mushrooms

Bike to/from gym
.5 mile jog warm up. Bench warmup w/bar. 3x10 @ 80lbs, 3x12 20lb dumbbell incline fly, 40lb straight bar upright row, pushups, 3x10 15lb seated dumbbell press, 3x10 flat dumbbell fly, 3x10 10lb dumbbell lateral raise, 3x10 75lb cheat press machine, 3x10 55lb fly machine, walking pushups ( 4 passes [10ft] 5 pushups each pass)
- 400

4:00
40 - 2 bags butter lettuce
325 - guacamole
200 - deli ham

3 mile walk
-?

8:30
55 - 1/2 scoop new whey protein isolate
100 - greek yogurt
150 - 1/2c oats

9:30
150 - 1/2c oats
55 - 1/2 scoop protein isolate
100 - banana
1275

Sexy September

Well...I caught a buzz last night and definitely ate way too much stuff... prob about 1000cals, but I'm not going to be mad at myself. I knew I shouldn't drink after my mom went to bed. I know how to set myself up for success...so it's a new month! Time to learn to feel sexy.
Sexy is complex. It is a noticeable confidence that only radiates when the mind and body feel good simultaneously...that's my goal for this month.
Sexy September.

9:30
50 - 5 large egg whites
20 - tomato
80 - apple

11:30
100 - pb
200 - chicken breast
100 - pistachio thins

Run 2.2miles to gym
Lunges, step ups, bosu lunges, bosu side lunges, back squats, Russian twists, full extensions, suitcases, posterior leg raises and hydrant cross kicks.
Walk/jog 3 miles home
- 800

3:30
200 - 4oz chicken
50 - salad (kale, wasabi, vinegar, tiny bit of feta)
100 - pb

5:00
100 - sweet potato
100 - biscoff spread
200 - 2c grapes

7:00
150 - oats
300 - halibut

Prob 1000 Snacks & drinks w/the neighbors :-/ fully carb loaded for the week ahead!

8/31

Didn't sleep very well...had very strange dreams and kept waking up.
7:30
120 - English muffin
100 - 1 tbsp pub
80 - apple

Gym: elliptical warm up, 30 minutes of shoulders/abs/lower back...was rushed but tried to get a good sweat and burn while Ma did her cardio.
-350 ...more cardio later (either a run/walk or elliptical at home)
80 - apple

Went to the farmers market and got more veggies than we'll be able to down in 2 days haha.
10:30
150 - 1/2c oats
20 - 2 large egg whites
50 - fruit
150 - peanuts

Shopping w/Ma...got all sorts of new gym clothes!!
200 - 4oz chicken breast
50 - arugula (w/mustard & vinegar)
Net.600.

6:00
60 - arugula & dressing
6:30
200 - spicy broccoli slaw
300? - chicken lettuce wraps

-400 elliptical
9:00
80 - 1/4+c oats
160 - 23 almonds

...snacks & vodka... dirty night to end the month :-/ woops!

8/30 - home

Heading home today. Gotta stay out of the kitchen when I'm there!!

8:00
40 - 5 medium egg whites
120 - 1/2 avocado
20 - tomatoes & mushrooms
... was still hungry
80 - >1/4c oats
100 - banana
20 - 2/3c almond milk

9:30
80 - apple

12:30
550 - Went out to lunch w/Ma and ordered some modified stuff to stay clean!! Had the elements of a catfish po-boy put on a side salad with some vinegar and glazed onions...yum!

4:00
80 - apple

6:30
500 - tiny piece of clean grilled pork tenderloin, steamed broccoli, sautéed veggies (just used PAM), salsa

-450 elliptical

180 - 2 Absolut & seltzer
300 - hand full of almonds (naughty, but I'm not mad about it)
Net.1620.

REALLY excited for the gym in the morning (Ma got me a guest pass). Planning to do a major core burn...gonna call it HardCORE day. Abs, obliques, lower back and some glutes. Only have an hour so I've gotta make the most of it! If the weather holds out I'll run in the evening (or just add on some elliptical time).

8/29

9:00
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
100 - banana

10:00
80 - apple
SQUAT day with Lauren. Holy hell. He slayed my quads and glutes. The man knows me, my goals, my weaknesses...and he won't let me quit. That's why he's my favorite!
-1000 calories

12:30
110 - Greek yogurt
220 - protein bar
220 - Ritter sport ...yep :-P

3:00
80 - apple

5:00
100 - bag of broccoli slaw
250 - 1.5c black beans
100 - peanut sauce

Walk to/from grocery store
-200
400 - 2 cookies from Dominick's :)

8:00
150 - Arctic Zero
.775.
9:00
500 - bottle of Prosecco... yep, that happened. My veins are going CRAZY haha... arms look pretty insane right now.
.1275.
10p
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
net.1440.

8/28

Feeling sluggish today. Looking at my body I know I have been working hard, but I've been "cheating" a lot and eating not-clean foods when I have the caloric allowance. I need to stay focused and make better decisions.
I am going home for the weekend and that will be a big challenge. I need to figure out how to stay bout of the kitchen (which is always where we end up gathering and hanging out)...maybe I can lock the snack cabinet haha!

9:00
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - Greek yogurt

12:00
100 - apple

2:00
150 - 1/2coats
110- Greek yogurt

4:00
200 - 3 medium zucchini baked w/cooking spray, pepper and spices

Haven't done any working out yet today...been struggling with my anxiety and everything. Need to just get out the door. I thought about going to swim, but I'd have to wait til way later for that or the pool is too crowded. I'll probably just go for a walk/run... I need to figure out what my actual calories being burned are-- I think the guesstimate on Nike+ is way too high. I mean, last night, 7.75 miles and almost 1000 calories? Just doesn't seem right. Maybe if I had been running that whole time, but that just seems too high.
5:00
150 - oats
200 - 1/2 can crushed pineapple

-500 5 mile walk (Nike+ says 600something calories but for a walk, I'm giving it 100/mile)

8:00
100 - bag of shaved Brussels sprouts
50 - small sweet potato (no skin)
50 - mustard & juice of 1/2 lime & vinegar
5 - jalapeno
160 - 4oz deli ham

9:00
150 - oats
200 - 1/2 can crushed pineapple
.1385.
shooting for net 1600 again... with TRYING to keep track of my burned calories as accurately as I can (or undershooting when in doubt).
Tomorrow is squats & lunges galore with my mentor... gotta be ready and then eat super clean all day to prep for my weekend up at Ma's!

8/27/13 dirty

8:45
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - Greek yogurt

Bike to/from gym
10 min elliptical warm up. Bi/tri 3 supersets. Abs & obliques.
Gonna run tonight after it cools down and do more abs.

1:00
100 - apple

1:30
1000 - "all american" panini from Jewel. Advertising works...I've been craving a big sandwich for days because of shit I see on billboards. So, this isn't eating clean. Totally guessing on calories too, but I'm sure I'm petty close. This is naughty. I really need to start doing meal prep.**this broken up into 2 meals...2nd half will likely be eaten around 3**

4:00
100 - apple

went for a 7.75 mile walk (some running) and it was hot as balls out... burned 1000 calories :)
8:00
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - greek yogurt

9:00
200 - green beans
100 - spaghetti sauce
150 - deli ham
...at just under 1200 net so far (not even counting my gym workout calories lol)... so, I get snacks! WOOT!

8/26

Woke up hella sore today. Definitely feel yesterday's workout in my back. Really need a massage!
9:00
80 - apple
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites

12:30
300 - 1c oats
100 - 1c frozen berries
20 - 2/3c unsweetened almond milk

Lifted chest (and some shoulder work) with Lauren...almost a 2 hour workout. Loved it!! Learning so much from him.
Dumb move: went grocery shopping after the gym without eating first. Ended up eating the whole box of my fiber granola bars before I got home. Idiot.
600 - 5 granola bars

7:30
25 - bag of butter lettuce
140 - 2 vegan Boca burger patties
15 - lime juice, mustard
20 - grape tomatoes
50 - nutritional yeast
.1535.
10:00
100 - lime fruit flo
400 - dark chocolate :)
.2000ish

8/25

8:30
100 - apple
150 - oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
100 - banana

Lifted with Lauren. Dead lifts, good mornings, pull ups, wide lat pull downs, hamstring curls, overhead raises, reverse fly, some core and stretching! Painful calf massage. Yowza! Body fat caliper test showing I'm right around 15%... gotta keep going on the lean train! But then a relaxing steam and I feel awesome. ...definitely high calorie burn!

1:30 I need to go online and figure out what kind of damage my lunch was...went to Chipotle. Burrito:) the tortilla is the bad part, I forgot they don't have options like the places in Utah...but I didn't want a bowl. I was craving a big, lettuce-stuffed, meaty wrap (no cheese, no cream...kept it clean)
920 - according to the calculator on Chipotle's site...but 3000mg sodium!!! I am currently wearing compression sleeves with my legs up so I can go for a run/walk later and try to burn some of that off and get some of that sodium out!!

120 - soft serve cone

Run... 5.4 miles run/walk... -684

8:45
240 - bag of frozen shrimp
150 - bag of frozen okra
20 - coconut oil spray & juice of half a lime
.1815.
10:00
360 - bag of POPchips... I worked hard today, and even though I'm going over my calories I'm going to be really good this week (especially since I'm going home for Labor Day weekend and have to prep my will power). So, a Sunday cheat. Ah well!! I'll work it off tomorrow with a run and then lifting chest with Lauren in the afternoon.

Photos I snapped yesterday. Me at  about 15%bf (calipered today after our workout and Lauren guestimated knowing where I was and from his professional experience...I will test again mid-week before a workout)...point of the pics is **notice no abs**... way too much salt in my diet lately and not nearly enough water.

8/24 control

So...for me, the flexibility of aiming for a NET goal each day isn't working for me. It is too easy for me to slip in trigger foods that lead to uncontrollable cravings and then binging. Like last night...I tagged on another 500 calories (of clean, healthy things) at home because I couldn't get my mind off food. Luckily I don't have bad foods at home, but still...calories are calories and I need to control.
Will power is like a muscle, the more you work it the stronger it gets!!
Having the white carbs I allowed myself yesterday was too soon. I am working hard to not fear food anymore. I'm striving to just love healthy and roll with it when "real/normal" food is presented and I eat it. A few weeks of major focus and I know I can get there!!!
So, for now... with my BMR at 1547 and I have definitely increased my average daily activity... so I'm going to aim for about 1800 every day. Scooby's site says 1900-2100 but knowing my body, I feel like that's too much for right now... also, shooting lower will allow me to feel less anxious about a cheat here and there. So, going back to a consistent number no matter what my workouts are. Different strategies work for different people... and for me, I need more structure when it comes to food because of my personal issues.
Was up late (anxiety and food thoughts) so I slept in.
10a
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
80 - apple

12:00
100 - banana

3:15
120 - Greek yogurt
80 - >1/4c oats

Was starving after shopping and grabbed Subway... I will not fear food!
6:00
400 - 6" veggie patty on honey oat, no cheese, all veggies (no onion no pickles), vinegar, pepper, oregano

Bike to/from gym -135ish
Cardio & core -500 or so

8:45
200 - 24oz green beans
75 - 3/4c spaghetti sauce
140 - 2 original vegan Boca burgers

Bike to/from store -80 cal
10:30pm
300 - 2 pints of Artic Zero... yep, 2 hahaha I was jonesing for ice cream for like 3 days and after being good today with my food I knew it was an Artic Zero kind of night. I'm stuffed :) SO stoked for tomorrow morning's workout with Lauren!
.1745.

8/23

Since more people are checking this, I'll do an extra post that brings back up some recipes...otherwise you'll have a lot of scrolling to do haha... but anyway, stoked that I get to try a new gym this morning and lift with a pro bodybuilder (watch IG later).

9:30
50 - 5 medium egg whites (10 cal for a large egg white, but watevs)
120 - 1/2 medium avocado
80 - red delicious apple
25 - instant coffee + unsweetened almond milk

Lifted w/a bodybuilder...just arms.
Biked almost 12 miles commuting which means about -400 calories :)

800 - 3 pieces of cheese-less gf vegan pizza...craziness, but yolo right? Haha Nah, not that bad and I'm doing more cardio tonight.

6:30
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

-350 cardio
More weights...and studying kinesiology

360 - popchips (whole foods is right out the door at the gym...I love those things!)

200 - 1c fiber pasta
60 - whole bag baby spinach
20 - coating of evoo spray
20 - grape tomatoes
50 - 2 tbsp nutritional yeast
Add some pepper and salt and WOW this turned out to be one of the best meals ever. So yummy!!! The yeast has almost a cheesy, nuttiness tobit and using pan spray evoo helps cut WAY back on usage of oil. Just sprayed and stirred everything together so it was all coated. Amazeballs.
.1350.

8/22 - net

Screw the myfitnesspay ap. I don't like that it just has 3 meals and "snacks"... I eat like 6 times or more a day and so it's not showing me my patterns. It's a convenient tracking of other elements like protein, carbs, fats and sodium... but I need to find something that works better for what I'm doing.

Currently, my BMR is 1570... my goal is to eat NET 1400-1450 calories a day. What this means is that I add my burned calories from exercise to my allowance. So... like today... I lifted (which I don't count in calorie burning) and ran which burned 750. So, 1400+750...I get to eat 2150 calories! WOOT!
I try to eat 160g protein a day... and balance that with the same in carbohydrates.
Aside from my occasional cheats, I eat clean.

CLEAN: no flour, no dairy (ok, super minimal), no refined sugar, no oil (or limited used as sprays for cooking/baking), no white rice, no reg potatoes... avoiding man-made things. Sort of paleo, but I get to eat oats (Paleo says no grain) and legumes. mmmmm peanuts!

Today:
10a
100 - yoplait fat free greek yogurt
150 - 1/2c oats
80 - apple

GYM: reverse leg press, butt buster, TRX single leg squats, single arm double time ballet squats, squat thrusters w/15 lb barbells, exercise ball hip raises (2 feet, then individual), step ups w/posterior leg raises & 15lb dumbells, back leg up on bench lunges w/15lb dumbells, exercise ball sit ups/full extensions/hyper-extensions

2:30
50 - 1/2 bag tri color coleslaw
130 - 1/2 avocado
100 - 2 small sweet potatoes
5 - jalapeno
35 - 1/2 tbsp chia seed

4:00
80 - apple
60 - 2oz deli ham

6:00
80 - apple

RUN - 5.75 miles of run/walk (tracked via Nike+)... approximately 750 calories burned
9:00
350 - can of fat free refried beans
100 - bag of broccoli florettes
25 - green chillies
25 - hot sauce (siracha... sugar in that shiz... prob cutting this out of my life for a while)
.1370.
I'm not even sure this whole net thing is gonna work out... that's a LOT of calories every day with me working out more and more. I'm going to try this for at least a few days and then I might go back to a set caloric goal for a few more weeks as I keep leaning out (this is just a stage... once I get to my goal BF then I will be at a maintenance stage where I will try to maintain weight and go for some gains in certain muscles groups that need it).
But since I have the calories to spare, I'm going to get myself a treat :) Running means I get so many cheats! I love this shit. HAHA
10:15
360 - POPchips (heck yeah they're clean eats... and so delish haha)
210 - kitkat dark... yeah, not clean... but yums
.1940.

8/21 - different, yet destructive

So I'm going to stop putting all my food here for a bit, but I'll share my net daily calories each day... I'm gonna try tacking with myfitnesspal again and see if it works at all. I feel like I ate SO much today.
But now this evening, I got destructive. My net calories will be about 2200 for the day (3400 total)...but I've gotta get a grip!

I've been searching for validation in all the wrong places. Today is officially 4 years and one month since PC broke up with me (and then "hurt me" in October)...I feel SO undesirable. I'm in the best shape I've been in a LONG time...but I can't seem to find anyone who wants me for anything more than sex...well, nobody that I'm actually attracted to. It is really troubling.
Major fat kid status today...back to the grind tomorrow.

8/20 - dig deep

I'm not feeling as motivated as I wanted when I started yesterday. I am going to have some me time this morning and then hit the gym... meeting my mentor around lunch to get some learning in plus share some feel-good vibes. He is a blessing to have in my life. Such a rad friend and amazing mentor on numerous levels.

9:00am
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana
...I wanted to stick under 300 this morning, but I needed the sugar to start out my day with some energy so I threw in the banana. Now to get coffee!

1:45
100 - bag of shaved brussels sprouts (just shy of 3c)
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes and jalapeno
20 - mustard and balsamic
100 - turkey sausage
.670.
It's 4 and I haven't been to the gym yet, so it feels really weird. I'm going to a spin class with a friend tonight...I'm excited about it, but scared because spin is supposedly KILLER! Depending on how I feel afterwards, I might go to the gym and do some arms. Tomorrow is back and glutes with a bodybuilder I met through IG. Should be ridiculous!
4:15
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - greek yogurt
.920.
Rode my bike 6.5 miles
Spin class at FlyWheel ... first time ever. 1000 calories burned later, WOW!
Biked 6.5 miles home.
10:00
500 - 2 cookies and a donut from Dominick's (yep, that happened)
100 - bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - tomatos & jalapeno
20 - mustard and siracha
150 - Artic Zero

100 - lime bar
.1890.

...even with that massive cheat after my spin class, I freaking earned it and think I did awesome today.

8/19 - motivated

Starting new.
I'm forgiving myself today. Forgiving the screw ups and failures. Moving forward and living out loud.
I am trying to drink a gallon of water again today to help cleanse myself. I'm eating clean and staying on track. I am treating myself well and focusing on my goals. I will study, clean, smile and laugh today...I will call my loved ones. It's Monday. Get motivated!

350 - protein pancakes
100- apple

Went and got a mani/pedi...worst of my life! Haha seriously looks no better than if I did it myself.
Not doing so well with water so far today...

3:00
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes

Bike to gym
30 minute elliptical. 10 min bike intervals. Abs.
Bike home

5:15
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes
60 - butter lettuce
50 - chia seeds
20 - mustard + jalapeño + vinegar

20 - 2/3c almond milk (put in my coffee)

7:30
100 - lime bar
.1000.
8:30
100 - turkey sausage
300 - 2 sweet potatoes
50 - lots of siracha

60 - half grapefruit
.1550ish

Didn't get water in and need to call loved ones tomorrow. Meeting with my mentor and gonna get a serious workout and some studying in!!!

8/18

8:00
100 - apple
160 - half avocado
<40 - 4 medium egg whites

10:30
100 - Greek yogurt
100- apple

Need to get out of the house today...more than just a gym visit (I think I'll run there again and walk home...I really liked that). Need some vitamin D to boost my mood.

Went to the grocery store hungry :( ate a whole box of fiber granola bars on the way home. Why did I even let myself buy those?!!?!?! Ugg.
600 - 5 fiber granola bars

Time to walk to the gym (not running because my Achilles are tight today from running 2 days in a row and not rolling).

2 mile run/walk
GYM: tall box step ups w/posterior raise &12.5s, bosu full extensions w/twist holding 5lb, bosu side steps, side step ups w/16kb kettle w/leg raise, donkey kicks, suitcases w/5lb, Russian twists 10lb
2 mile walk home (-700ish)

4:30
100 - Greek yogurt
.1200.
7:00
500 - 2 pork chops
100 - spinach + jalapeno + tomatoes + balsamic

Another walk... Nike+ totals from today said 750+ (so then my time at the gym is probably just another 200 on top of that since it was such a short visit)

150 - Artic Zero
100 - lime bar
.1950.

This week, as I won't be working, I REALLY will be put to the test. Can I control my snacking when I'm at home? Can I get out of the house enough -- gym AND run/walk/bike each day. It will be a challenge, but I have to succeed. Days when I do double workouts I'm going to allow myself 1800 calories, but on days when I only do one workout I will need to stick closer to my BMR (currently 1570) so I can keep trimming down. I'll be doing some mentoring with Lauren this week, so that should help me stay focused and get better about meal planning/prepping.

Didn't stop tonight... tummy hurts I ate way too much. What am I doing?

100 - lime bar
120 - sweet potato
55 - butter lettuce and tomato
.2225.

8/17

6am
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

Decided to say fK it and went back to bed.

9:15
25 - 3 medium egg whites
160 - half avocado
15 - chia seeds
.400.

Feeling really lethargic today. After yesterday's emotional overload plus all that working out, I'm just TIRED.
I'll get out for some vitamin D today and a gym visit this afternoon/evening. But for now, my bed is comfy and I am content right here with this book :)
1:00
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - apple

Run 2.06 miles to the gym
Lift: 40lb ez bar curls & skull crushers, 35lb over head pulls, dips, 15lb dumbbell curls & tricep extensions ...then hammer curls, 10lb delt side raises and front, 35lb oblique bends
2.19 mile walk home

4:30
100 - apple
100 - Greek yogurt bite(I can't buy those anymore...the chocolate flavors are too good)

6:00
30 - iced coffee w/almond milk (unsweetened)...got a pump of sugar free caramel, seriously? This might be my new favorite snack. SO YUM!

7:30
100 - broccoli & cabbage
50 - 1/2c spaghetti sauce
110 - turkey sausage link

Spending my night studying... reading my ISSA materials online (books should be here sometime during the week).
9:00
200 - 2x greek yogurt bites
150 - 1/2c oats
.1440.

8/16

I'm ready for whatever today throws at me!! I officially ordered my ISSA training materials last night so I should start as a trainer-in-training next month!! Gonna study all weekend (and hopefully get some sun?). But I'm heading to the gym this morning and then into work (I'll post the meeting outcome ASAP). Here's to the pursuit of HAPPINESS!

8:00
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - 1/2c oats

Bike to gym (2.2)
Gym: 10 min bike warmup, good mornings & deep ballet squats 115lbs 3x12, donkey kick machine 60lbs 3x15, butt buster machine 100lbs 2x15, body weight kicks (full&short range) and posterior leg raises.
Bike from gym to work.(2.8)
Bike home (5 miles) [bike totals probably 300-400 calories-- mapmyrun says over 600 but that's ridiculous haha]

Got let go... I knew it was coming. I couldn't get people to book events and generate revenue. I can't say I didn't try my hardest... but it wasn't enough. I failed.
Back when this blog was 100dayshapeup I stopped and back slid when I lost a job...I was a mess for a long time, but that won't happen again. I'm focused and I know what I want... I know how an employer should treat their employees and I know what I deserve. Period.
On to the next challenge!!
I filed for unemployment, but will be studying my ass off until my test at DBG so that I can get started AND have my first cert both around the same time!

WOW! I'm hungry. I need to eat... and I need to work out more today... I'll go for a run, but I need FOOD! lol
3:15
150 - 1/2c brown rice
180 - 2 turkey dogs
20 - lettuce & hot sauce
100 - apple

2.8 mile run [with some walking] on Nike+ (354 cal)...plus an extra 2 mile walk after this just to try and clear my head and get a little sun.
6:00
100 - apple
360 - POPchips ...whoa

8:00
50 - 1/2 bag slaw
160 - 1/2 avocado
200 - chicken tenderloins
50 - salsa verde & grape tomatoes
.1620.

I'm having a rough time...just feeling like a huge failure. I really hope my new focus and passion works...this needs to finally be what I'm good at and can stick with!

Swimming - [400-500 cal...no idea]
Workout totals today probably negative 1200-1500 but no idea. I really want to get a fitbit so I can keep track of heart rate and calories burned accurately throughout my days including workouts.

300 - another serving of my dinner w/o avocado
200 - dove dark chocolate
100 - greet yogurt bite

.2200.

8/15 - what a day...

Today was a mess. I mean, a complete massacre of my diet and my self esteem.

If you've been following along, or know me at all, you know that I've had major self esteem issues my entire life. Now, at 31 years of age, is the first time I've ever felt sexy in my own skin. For years I hated my muscles and I thought people were always looking at me with horrible thoughts in their heads. I thought I was a monster. This new fit lifestyle has allowed me, for the first time, to feel really good-- without needing the validation from anyone else (aka I'm single).

So...as I continue on my journey, I feel great about this new confidence. It is still paired with some nervousness and self-consciousness as one would expect (I mean, 30+ years of self doubt doesn't just END). So yeah...today:

I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. I had this overwhelming sense of dread from things not going well with work the day before. So I snoozed as long as I could and finally got up and made breakfast. 300 calories and I was on point.

I got a call from my boss confirming an email he just sent requesting a meeting tomorrow...ok, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired...

I went to the gym for a quick pump before going about my work day...positive of the day: although it was a short workout, I helped 2 girls who were lifting with form and they were SO grateful. The one said "Thanks, that made a huge difference! I want arms like yours!" Haha. Amazing.

At work, more work epic failures (out of my hands) and the day was topped off with a guy treating me like I'm some sort of call girl (this has been a trend in my life)... today was one huge smack in the face of "hey, remember, you aren't hot shit"... not that I thought I was, but days like today really bring me down.
The afternoon lead to a binge (fiber brownies and chocolate)  and I actually had fast food for lunch (forgot to prep for a long day of lots of driving and then a work event)... so, I feel like garbage. I'm scared about tomorrow, but I cannot say I haven't tried my best with this job. I am ordering my ISSA stuff tonight so I can study and become a trainer ASAP.
But anyhow...I blogged today because I didn't full out binge. I didn't let myself buy everything. I bought 2 treats and walked away. Tomorrow I will work out twice and burn 1000+ cal to make up for over doing it.

Life has a way of kicking you when you're not fully stable...but if your heart is strong, you'll find a way to get back on your feet... you have to.
NEVER GIVE UP!

8/14

Have you ever been half asleep...totally relaxed and wanting to be dreaming, but you're still aware that you're sleeping? That's what last night was...all night. I'm exhausted today because of no rem sleep :( ugggg

8:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

Been getting questions a lot on IG about cravings and cheat meals...I'll make sure to take some time later to write my thoughts on these.

Morning lifting:

12:00
150 - beef jerky
200 - protein bar
110 - veggie straws

2:00
60 - kombucha

5:15
330 - unwich #12 no mayo from JJ

8:00
50 - 1/2 bag slaw
50 - 1/2c spaghetti sauce
20 - Roma tomato
20 - boiled red cabbage
100 - deli ham
.1440.

Truth is...I had 3 mini cupcakes at work and a glass of champagne. I'm really down today. I'm getting treated like junk both at work and in my personal life. I'm feeling like I have no worth. I need to spend the $ and get my certification materials so I can be a trainer...ugg...I just have NO money right now!! Anyway...I might have to go buy chocolate...or Arctic zero... or both...I need comfort and don't know anyone to get a hug from :-\

8/13/13

Well... idk why I drank last night, but I did... it's in the past... I'm over it... but at least my body flushed out what needed to get out. I feel better today (even though I did wake up with a bit of a headache).
I really need to focus on my water goals for the month. I should be drinking 2L minimum each day.

8:30
100 - apple
100 - greek yogurt
150 - 1/2 cup oats

I REALLY want to get certified as a personal trainer. Today might be the day I suck it up and spend $500 on the materials and test access...I totally don't have that $ right now, but I need to know my shiz if I want to get my dream job.
...been trudging away trying to go above and beyond for my current job today... took a lunch break to go lift (running tonight with a group)

GYM: 10 minute bike warm up, 100lb good mornings 2x10, 100lb ballet squats 2x20 (fast), 45lb dumbbell sits then squats 2x30, side leg raises, donkey kicks 15 then 30 seconds short movement, straight leg posterior lifts 15 then 30 seconds short movement.

2:45
150 - 1/2 cup brown rice
50 - 1/3 bag okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

4:00
60 - 2/3 cup natural apple sauce
150 - 1/2 cup oats

Went for a run...almost 5 miles including the walking. New Nike+ PRs for fastest 1k, fastest mile, fastest 5k... (over 600 cal)

8:00
50 - half bag slaw
50 - 1/3 bag okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

9:30
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - 1/2 cup oats
20 - almond milk
.1370.

8/12/13

So... I'm taking today as a sort of a cleanse.
After a weekend of TOO MUCH followed by a morning of seriously uncomfortable "blockage" I'm taking it easy on my digestive system today. I still don't feel like everything has passed through that needs to.

7:30a
25 - instant coffee
100 - apple

11:00
100 - apple
110 - turkey (this wasn't part of the plan today, but I couldn't find my protein powder)

2:00
100 - grapefruit

Bike ride to/from gym.
15 minute stair master
10 minute elliptical
Chest:20lb fly & dumbbell press, dumbbell bench press & overhead raises, narrow & wide 40lb straight bar chest press

5:00
70 - 2oz ham
15 - pickles

6:30
50 - okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

400 - wine
100 - Greek yogurt + fiber
.1200.

8/11

Last night I over did it...probably double my daily normal caloric limit. I need to learn to say no...all over again. To stay away from temptations. I know what's behind that cabinet door-- nothing that I would want to let anyone else see me eat. Why do I eat in secret? Why do I allow my naughty, dangerous addiction to have control. I want to reach my goals!! How do you beat that demon? The one who controls your actions before your brain even registers what you're doing?
Time to really look at how to break away from addiction and horrible habits. It may be time to get a sponsor again :-/

8:30
100 - apple
300 - giant spoonfuls of PB :-/

5.75 mile run/walk in my home town.

12:00
250 - Greek yogurt, blueberries, rasperies, ice
100 - broccoli w/mustards

Nervous already about the rest of the day. I'm supposed to go do all sorts of stuff with my mom, but I can't stop thinking about food. I'm scared.
300 - peanuts... and I got out of there

6:00
150 - oats w/added fiber
100 - banana

7:30
100 - slaw
100 - sweet potato

9:00
100 - Greek yogurt + fiber
.1600

Well, I have a major food baby after these naughty days, but I'm ready to be on track this week and kick my butt in the gym. My friends are ready for my calls when I'm tempted to binge and I'm so grateful I have them (even though they're far away). I'm going to look into local OA meetings and get focused so that next time I go home I am stronger than I was this time.

Shrinking

Getting fit feels great! Seeing my muscles show as I shed my layer of fat is exhilarating and keeps me motivated to keep working towards living clean, healthy and fit.

I can't help but take a moment to talk about the part that weighs heavy on the heart...ok, not that dramatic, but it's the un-fun part. As I lose weight, it is exciting because I can fit in cuter clothes... wear cuts and styles that I couldn't before. Buying new clothes is fun!!! But truth is, it's expensive. Jeans are costly... luckily I had a few size 10s still from 09...but now even those are getting to be too big in the waist! My quads are growing so instead of buying new jeans I may just have to get them taken in?? I'll have to go try on some 8Ls (29/34)...

But here is why I'm posting... my boobs. I've lost more than a cup size so far. It's really starting to get to me. I'm not a small framed person so having tiny breasts is making me super self conscious. None of my bras fit anymore! And let's face it, ladies, good bras are NOT cheap. So what should I do with the ones that are too big? EBay them? I'm at a loss here...  figuratively and literally.

Once I can increase my income I'm really going to start saving up...I honestly think breast augmentation is a must. Not huge, no worries. Just proportional to my frame.
One of my motivations is wearing cuter clothes... they are finally starting to fit, except where I'm lacking :-\

So...losing fat, gaining muscle, getting fit...all awesome!!! I just needed to share my little struggle. 

8/10

7:30
160 - half avocado
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - oats

12:30
100 - apple

Gym - 30 min elliptical, then bis & tris

2:00
100 - banana
100 - apple

Drove home to Milwaukee
4:00
400 - Salad & nuts

400 - Ma's spaghetti sauce over veggies
.1500.
....
500? Wine and snacks...uggggg
Definitely going for a run while Ma is at church in the morning!!

8/9/13

Slept in...still feeling like crap... I promised myself I'd work on finding joy every day this month, so I need to do that! I might go see my mom after work tomorrow... Saturday night with just us (step dad is out of town) could be really good for me (or bad LOL but I'm sure we won't fight).

9:00
150 - oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - apple

12:00
70 - 2oz turkey

15min elliptical warm up then glute workout from Women's Health...need to go back to the gym later and do some serious cardio.

450 - salad from WF

Already drank a gallon of water.
6:30
100 - popchips
.970.
Was pretty good about staying away from the snacks during the group event!!

9:00
-800 cal cardio session at the gym

...cheated the fK out of tonight. Didn't mean to, but just kind of spiraled because I desperately need to grocery shop and was STARVING (as in almost nauseating hunger pains as I left the gym).

10:30
McChicken no mayo & half bun (gross!) - 300
Dt Coke
Mini Donuts - 250
Pudding - 120
Oats - 150
Almond milk - 30
Added a ton of fiber to the oats though...should help flush the cheat through my system. Mad at myself for not being prepared. Might be heading home tomorrow after work...but tbd-- idk if I can deal with that temptation right now...defenses are pretty weak. But looking at my cheat I didn't do TOO much damage. Gotta be strong tomorrow. I've come way too far to let myself sabotage this!!
About 1800

8/8/13

This morning I woke up early, made coffee and sat at my kitchen table, in a daze, for a solid 20 minutes. I have so much going on inside my head that keeps spinning like a tornado so I cannot seem to grab hold of one thing at a time to deal with it and move forward. I have a lunch time call with my mom that might help...I need to settle things so I can confidently move forward and make my next chapter a good one :)

8:00
25 - coffee (2 cups...instant, has calories)
160 - 1/2 avocado
90 - 1 medium egg + 3 whites
20 - tomato (wasn't ripe. Ick)
100 - apple

12:30
150 - 1/2c oats
180 - 1/2 can pineapple

Rode my bike to the gym... didn't go very hard there, I couldn't get into it. Seriously, my mind is all over the place. 15min elliptical "random", bunch of abs (bosu full extension w/10lbs, 5lb suitcases, flutter kicks, scissor kicks, heel touches, side planks, bosu froggers w/twist... then lat pull downs 90lbs wide/narrow/reverse grip 3x6-8, seated rows 80lbs 3x8, TRX hanging rows...and biked home. I'll go for a run later. My mind is beyond restless!

4:00
40 - 3 cups 3 color slaw
90 - turkey dog
10 - mustard & jalapenos

5:30
70 - 2oz turkey
180 - finished pineapple

Run 2.6 miles ... walk .5
8:00
100 - apple

Bike to/from grocery store... got locked out of my apartment and waited around forever. Had the biggest fiasco with a locksmith (turned out to be a good guy working for a bunch of crooks). STARVING
11:00
100 - apple
100 - greek yogurt
240 - pudding (yeah... all that stress I wanted every ounce of chocolate I could consume)
150 - 1/2 cup oats
.1805.

8/7/13

8:30
100 - apple
100 - 1 medium egg & 3 whites
160 - half avocado

11:45
100 - apple

So... I'm not becoming a trainer just yet. I have studying to do. I was completely humbled by this written test I was given today that was full of terms I've heard but couldn't define just off the top of my head. Time to get GURU'd and study some certification materials so that I can go back in next month and breeze through that test.

Gym:
10 minute bike warm up
set up 35/40/45 lb dumbell... did 30x touch pump, 30x squat w/weight, 30x squat w/o weight on each one... 35-40-45-40-35. Holy leg and butt burn. Thanks to Nate for the idea!!
Then 2x10 (each leg) 2ft step up with posterior leg raise & 12.5lb dumbells
2x10 (each leg) side step up with leg raise and one 12.5 dumbell
2 x 20 alternating lunges to Bosu with 12.5 dumbells
I wanted to finish out with some TRX but they were occupied with some personal training... so I did seated leg press 3 sets (6/6/8) at 230... planning to try a run later tonight to get in some cardio for the day...for now, my legs are jello.

2:15
60 - 3/5 bag of three color slaw
160 - half avocado
20 - roma tomato
70 - 2oz turkey deli meat

5:00
100 - apple

Bike 3.75 miles
swim 200m fs, 600m br, 600m kick
bike 3.75 home... seriously, my legs are toast.

9:00
200 - 2 Greek yogurts
300 - 1 cup oats
30 - 1 cup almond milk

10:00
100 - grapefruit
150 - oats w/fiber ;)

.1650.
Perfect.

8/6/13

8:30
160 - half avocado
90 - medium egg + 3 whites
20 - Roma tomato
100 - 3 small kiwi

Coffee - then off to lift (driving to the gym so I can head to the burbs and work for a bit after...I'll bike to the run club this evening)

Gym: lifting...lots of it haha (not in this order) Chest press machine, fly machine, arm extension, bicep curl, skull crushers, dips, ez curls, dumbbell fly, side & front shoulder raises, dumbbell chest press, bent over row...yeah, all sorts of upper body. Run club tonight.

12:00
200 - nature valley protein bar
100 - veggie straws

5:00
100 - greek yogurt
120 - sugar free pudding
100 - apple

Bike 9.6 miles each way
3 mile run w/Scout Run Club
Bike home... holy burned calories!!

8:40
80 - 4oz Pollock
150 - 1/2 cup brown rice
20 - cabbage, jalapeno and hot sauce
80 - 2oz turkey

9:45
100- greek yogurt
120 - pudding
150 - oats
(ok... mixed together cherry yogurt, dark chocolate pudding and oats... holy mother trucking WOW! NOM NOM NOM :-D )

I'm not even upset about going over today... I might even eat more. I burned close to 2000 calories between the gym this morning, biking and running...my body needs the fuel :)
100 - greek yogurt
150 - oats ...yeah #fatkidstatus ... but MAN I feel amazing.
.2040.

8/5/13

Big day today...hopefully I'll have some sweet news to report later...TBD

9:00
330 - protein pancakes!!!
50 - kiwi & blueberries

1:30
350 - salad (kale, beats, crab, cabbage, beans, peas, vinegar, amino)

Today went great. No official announcement to make just yet...but the news will be great when I can share :)

Gym - 10 minute bike warm up, LEGS: back squats, lunges, side leg raises, bosu lunges, bosu burpees, dead lifts, bosu squats, hamstring curl, leg press

6:30
300 - guacamole
120 - veggies (kale, cabbage, zucchini)

Biked to/from grocery store
140 - york peppermint patty

150 - Artic Zero
1440

extra activity aka unplanned exercise

So...we've all heard "it's the little things" in so many different contexts.
But I'm here to talk about how this has to do with weight loss. One of the many things I learned from Beck's book is that every day you need to make an effort to add in "unplanned exercise"... now, what the heck does that mean??

You know how you like to muscle it out and carry all the groceries inside in one trip? Well, you'd burn more calories if you took a few trips. So... do that!
Need something from the corner store or gas station that's only a few blocks away? Don't jump in your car-- walk or hop on your bike.

Since moving to the big city I've started biking... a lot. Honestly, I started biking for MANY reasons, yet weight loss wasn't one of them, initially. Parking in Chicago is a pain in the butt (either impossible to find or costs more than I make an hourly) and gas in the city is about 40 cents more than it is elsewhere. Additionally, the time it takes for me to drive through the city from my apartment to my store near downtown is actually the same (or sometimes longer) than it takes for me to bike.
So... me and my single speed go everywhere in this city. Work, gym, convenience store, friends' houses, brunch... wherever.
THIS ADDS UP!!
I started using MapMyRun (has biking settings) to track some of my rides just to see what the calculated calories I burn are and I was astounded. This ap is amazing (I'm still sad that Nike+ doesn't have bike settings yet). And I realized, my "unplanned exercise" every day is REALLY adding up.

A big reason this adds up so much is because you're not recording these calories. I know a lot of dieters on various plans record all your workouts and then get to eat more that day because you have NET calorie goals and so forth... but that's the beauty of EXTRA activity. You're burning more...but it's not part of your recorded workout, so you see where this is going ;-)

Eat clean, drink water, work out... and start adding some extra activity to your day. The little things will add up and make a difference., I promise.

Reference: BECK

8/4/13 -cheat day

8:00
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - raw oats (about 2/3 of my usual 1/2 cup scoop)
100 - banana
40 - small kiwi w/skin

Yoga for runners class.

11:45
100 - 49¢ cone from McD (didn't eat top half of the cone...ice cream is clearly less than their normal serving size)

Feeling tired, yet anxious today... very strange feeling. Need to plan what I'm going to eat and then get out of the house. I'll probably run today.

5.1 mile run/walk... (-684)

3:00pm
500 - Turkey dogs, kale, cabbage and guacamole :)

Walked to the beach to read for  while...got kinda chilly out, but the fresh air felt really nice.
Really having a hard time lately. My financial & professional uncertainty is making my anxiety rage and I'm feeling incredibly low.

500 - high fiber brownies :(

100 - broccoli & cabbage
50 - 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce
.1590.
150 - brown rice
50 - chia seeds
90 - Turkey dog

360 - can of pineapple
.2240...:(((((
RIDICULOUS cheat day... way too many cravings and totally gave in. Big day tomorrow and anxiety is flaring!!! Hopefully I can sleep and look good tomorrow. I want this SO badly. I'm ready to change my life (and others').

8/3

So...last night I def had a bit of a cheat. After all that activity yesterday I am ok with it. I had a few glasses of wine and then had a grapefruit and some brown rice w/beans. I might be the world's weirdest person when it comes to late night cheat meals, but I guess my thought is: if I'm going to go over my daily calories, I should TRY to do it with foods that will fuel my body (though...come on...some days I just want candy LOL)...plus, I don't keep junk in the house for exactly that reason.

Kinda feeling that wine though. Not fun.

10:30
100 - apple

12:00
70- slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - tomato
15 - mustard, lime, hot sauce

...was still wanting something more so I had
75 - small sweet potato (maybe about 2/3 cup)
70 - 1 medium egg sunny side up w/hot sauce

Trying to hydrate and get my water goal today... gonna get out of the house so I avoid snacking.

Woops. So I was out running errands and got hungry. I was at Aldi and they had Special K pastry crisps for cheap, dark chocolate during pms? Hello. But I ate the whole box. Wish I had gotten myself water and a protein bar at Target instead.
500 - pastry crisps

Biked to/from gym (2.2 each way)
20 minutes on stair master fat burn level 10
Core blast!!! I did about 40 minutes of core work and it was awesome :) check out #ActiveAugust on IG to see what people love doing for abs!

8:15
150 - bag of okra
50 - 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce
100 - can of tuna

9:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt
.1560.

***if you're new things my blog, welcome! I update throughout the day as I eat & work out :)

8/2/13

Slept like crap again...feeling super tired.
8:00
100 - apple
25 - coffee

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
50 - 1/2 serving protein isolate

Biked to the doctor's office to snag my prescriptions and then to the gym for a quick shoulder day. (10.6 mile bike and then stair climb warm up and 40 minutes lifting...then 2 mile bike home)

2:30
100 - slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - Roma tomatoes
30 - 3 medium egg whites
10 - mustard, vinegar and spices

5:30
100 - apple
100 - Greek yogurt
50 - oats & cinnamon

7:00
100 - banana

Going to the gym, again. One that is farther away so I can steam after and maybe hit the hot tub
(15 min stair stepper and 35 min HIIT circuits)...then biked home.

10:00
60 - slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - tomato
15 - mustard, hot sauce, juice feom half a lime

330 - pop chips (I earned the treat with all the working out today!!)
.1590.

8/1 #ActiveAugust

My friend Sam and I put together #ActiveAugust on Instagram. It's a fun fitness challenge for the month...a way to share what you're doing each day and get creative. Check it out!!
My goals for the month: get visible abs (this morning, I could KINDA see 2 of them peeking out) and work on my mental health--smile more and find joy every day. Staying active and taking care of myself are so important to my self esteem and overall mood. I want to be happy being me.

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - greek yogurt
100 - apple

10:30
25 - instant coffee

...heading to the gym and then a LONG work day ahead of me...

350 - unwitch

250 - beef & broccoli bowl w/steamed veggies

...turned into a major cheat day. I probably ate a pound of trail mix at my event. SO bad to be near the food (again).
Gotta kick my ass tomorrow. Run + gym.

.2000.+ today :(

7/31/13 - end of the month...goals?

Well, I didn't REALLY break 170 as I'd hoped (just saw 169.9 when I think my scale wasn't zeroing correctly as it was on uneven ground)... I did run a mile without walking... and I did a bunch of planking :) I'm feeling pretty good about July. Gonna get REALLY focused and push myself harder at the gym for August. I feel comfortable with my eating, but I need to make sure I'm really burning calories effectively when I go to the gym and maximizing my time at the gym.

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
30 - unsweetened almond milk & cinnamon
100 - apple

1:00
120 - sweet potato
120 - can of solid white albacore tuna
10 - siracha

Gym: about 40 minutes of cardio and then 2 glute circuits. Fun stuff.

6:00
160 - 1/2 avocado
170 - 2 whole large eggs & 2 whites
25 - Roma tomato
.885.
... ok so I went into cheat mode
130 - beef jerky
220 - m&ms
220 - dove chocolate

150 - a lovely Spanish red wine :)

...then right before bed
25 - roma tomato
90 - lunch meat
.1720. ~~ not bad at all for that mini binge episode in there. Eep!

7/30/13

Nobody reads this... but ah well... I had an amazing moment yesterday. The scale said 169.9! But I got back on it to take a photo and it said 171.1 ... but it got me excited.

I slept FOREVER last night. I fell asleep before 11p and then woke up before my alarm today
8:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - greek yogurt
But then I fell back asleep in my chair... idk what happened lol
12:00
100 - apple
150 - oats
50 - protein

25 - sugar free french vanilla coffee (instant)

5:30
100 - bag of slaw
160 - half avocado
140 - 2 Boca patties
25 - mustard & vinegar

Gym: cardio, bis&tris

300 - soup at whole foods
150 - Arctic Zero
30 - almond milk

125 - sweet potato
25 - carrots
.1630.

7/29/13 - almost the end of the month!

Well, it's almost the end of the month and I'm looking back at my goals. I can run a mile without walking, but that's the only one I reached. I haven't broken 170 yet (and this week I doubt I will as it's PMS time again and that means I hold water). I didn't do the planking challenge that I set out to be a part of... I have just had so much going on this month that my specific fitness goals haven't been my focus. I mean, fitness is ALWAYS a focus of mine... I've been eating clean and keeping track of intake, but with so much else on my plate, I've been struggling.
So much uncertainty in my life and constant anxiety and fear make it really hard for me to focus on anything really. I mean, I haven't even been on any dates this month LOL got stood up twice and that was probably for the best...clearly my life isn't ready to be shared with anyone else.

8:30a
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - greek yogurt
200 - 2 cups natural apple sauce

2:00p
150 - 1/2 cup oats

I REALLY need to go grocery shopping today. I have almost nothing in my fridge because I didn't want to buy produce before I went home for the weekend.

3pm
100 - apple

Bike to/from gym. Legs: warm up, trx single leg squats, ballerina squats, side leg raises, round-the-world lunges, dead lifts, posterior leg raises, hamstring curl, leg extension, glute kickback
Wednesday my gym has free training for membership appreciation, so I got a 3pm with the head trainer. Pretty stoked.

5:30
100 - bag of slaw
0 - mustard & vinegar
70 - 1 tbsp chia seed
25 - roma tomato
140 - 2 Boca burger patties
...it's now 6pm and I haven't finished my dinner. I'm feeling full.

Went for a run... 2.6 miles. Check Nike+ :)

Biked to/from the grocery store...
9:00
140 - York peppermint patty (yeah, saw it when I was checking out and thought, yep, that's what I want LOL)

300 - SO much Artic Zero!! :))
.1480.

7/28 - tough last haul

Woke up today and Ma found oats for me.
100- apple
150 - oats
120 - Greek yogurt
...but then Ma left for church and I got munchie...
200 - cereal & milk

Gotta get motivated and go run/walk while she's gone.

5.3 mile run/walk...ran more than I walked and felt really good!
1:00
100 - apple
100 - peanut butter

3:00
220 - dry cereal

4:30
310 - salad (lettuce, piece of pork loin, mushrooms, tomato, mustard and vinegar)

8:30p ~~back in Chicago...didn't stay for dinner w/Ma since I didn't have the calories left for that.
180 - 1.5 cups sweet potato
100 - 1/2 cup fat free refried beans

200 - FML I decided to eat the rest of the can of beans :(
1770

7/27/13 home is a challenge

I'm at my mom's house... a death trap for diet. So much to easily snack on and over do it with calorie overload. Last night I gave it...cheat day, ok...today I'm really trying to focus... staying out of the house as much as I can.

8:15a
170 - 2 eggs & 3 egg whites
25 - one sliced Roma tomato
10 - few slices of jalapeño

9:00
88 - tbsp Biscoff spread

Went to an appointment and the salon with Ma to get myself out of the house.

1:15p
Made a nice salad...
150 - small piece pork tenderloin (prob about 2-3oz)
70 - 2 tbsp hummus
150 - lettuce, broccoli, beats, mushrooms, pepperocini, vinegar, mustard, pepper

Gym: 38 minutes of "random" on the elliptical (500 calories).... then some TRX while Ma finished her 500 cal cardio.

4:00
100 - apple
88 - Biscoff

7:30
250 - grilled halibut
100 - broccoli slaw
70 - green beans
50 - mushrooms, tomato, peppers, mustards, horse radish
50 - 1/2 cup sweet potato guts

9:00
180 - 2fruit bars & serving of citrucel
.1550.

7/26/13

O9a
120 - one large egg & 3 whites
160 - 1/2 avocado
100 - apple

10
160 - 1/2 avocado
70 - 2oz ham w/hot sauce

12
150 - 1/2 cup oats - added fiber!
30 - 1 cup unsweetened almond milk

Fuuuuuuu I ate so much already today :( been feeling ridiculously hungry!!! Gotta drink water.

Day started out with a terrible call from my boss. I just felt completely beat down and defeated...so, I was likely not hungry, just emotional.
But now I'm scared. I have to stay away from snacks at my work event and then when I go home, be extra strict with myself. My mom's house is like a giant temptation. Gotta keep myself busy and out of the house as much as possible.

3:00
100 - apple
190 - cliff mojo
.1080.

Ok...had a work event and got stuck by the snack table :( so I ate cookies and pretzels... way too many.

Worked out. HIIT for 45 minutes! Really pushed myself... had a trainer even come over and say "you go pretty hard for being on your own"...THAT felt awesome.

Drove up to Ma's house... immediately had a few bites of whatever leftover that is in the fridge...some sort of couscous. But had some fiber and a 50cal fruit bar...gotta find strength for tomorrow and stay OUT of her kitchen.
today: 2000+ fuuu

7/25/13 (weigh in)

Weigh-in at 9am this morning: 171.7 :)))) That means I'm -25!!!! I can't wait to see that middle digit change!

Nervous about going home this weekend. I have to STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!! Ma always has so many snack foods (nuts, crackers, leftovers, PB, chocolate chips, potato & tortilla chips) and I'm so weak with those temptations. I have 2 days to mentally prepare :)

9:00
100 - apple

9:45
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt

12:45
220 - sweet potato (just microwaved and then cut open face)
70 - 2oz deli ham
35 - pepper mix
10 - 6 grape tomatoes

2:30
90 - chicken sausage
50 - cabbage, spinach, pepper mix & mustard

3:30
100 - Greek yogurt
15 - 1oz organic blueberries

bike to work, lead run/walk group (about 2.2 miles), bike to gym, 15 min elliptical and then 30 minutes of core, bike home
220 - Grabbed a cliff bar at work ate most of it

10:00p
330 - protein pancakes recipe from yesterday... added more water to thin out the batter, but then added fiber :)
30 - blueberries

Trying to down a ton of water so that I don't feel hungry anymore...

11:30p
100 - Greek yogurt
.1700.

7/24

Was up late and then woke up silly early...idk why!
6:30
100 - apple

8:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana
0 - americano

1:00
150 - chips (seriously, why did I even walk by the break table!)
190 - Cliff mojo bar

3:30p
100 - apple

bike to/from gym
30 minute stationary bike intervals... then lift bis & tris...shorter workout than I planned. Brand new lifting gloves tore to pieces. grrrr

55 - 1/2 serving whey protein (needed other half for recipe below)

6:00p
100 - banana
150 - 1/2 cup oats
20 - 2 medium egg whites
55 - 1/2 serving of whey protein isolate
0 - splash of water and 2 dashes of cinnamon
RECIPE: SMOOSH all of that together and mix thoroughly... heat in non-stick pan. Makes 2 6" pancakes and they are AMAZING!!!! I did use some spray butter but seriously, yummiest clean recipe I've winged so far. Probably going to make these WAY too often.

Was still feeling hungry...went a really long time between filling meals today and only grabbed that apple before I went to the gym. Shouldn't have let myself have chips so I could have used those calories more wisely later!!!

7:15
90 - chicken sausage
25 - tomatoes, cabbage, spinach & mustard

10:30p
150 - oats
100 - Greek yogurt
.1580.

7/23/13

Couldn't sleep very well...again. This time I blame the chocolate (caffeine).

8am
180 - 2 whole medium eggs & 4 whites (they were about to expire so I had more than usual)
20 - spinach
140 - 1 cup spaghetti sauce (weird for breakfast but wanted to get rid of the last bit...prob less than a cup, but better for overestimate)

190 - KIND bar

300 - whole foods salad

150 - sun chips (naughty.)

Biked to a few places, including 3 different XSports to put up flyers for work. Then stopped into the 3rd and met with the head trainer...then did my workout. Lots of glutes and thighs...had a serious jello leg wobble moment before biking home.

5:15
100 - banana

Biking to/from North Ave for volleyball games.

9:00
150 - bag of okra
100 - 1 cup rinsed black beans
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - tomatoes & jalapeno

10p
100 - greek yogurt
100 - oats (an over full 1/4 cup)
.1630.

7/22/13

WOW! So, I realized yesterday was my 100th post. HAHA well, since half of those were back from 100dayshapeup we won't really count them, but wow, that's a lot of writing...and a LOT of calories counted. Just laughing thinking about it ;)

8am
100 - apple

9:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
50 - greek yogurt

12:15
75 - 3 cups broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
0 - mustard
10 - 6 grape tomatoes (over estimate likely since they're 15 calories per 1/2 cup sliced)
10 - diced jalapeño
***added more slaw today to make it more substantial as a mid day meal rather than a snack... but seriously, this is my new favorite recipe. I'm so pumped about it!

3:00p
20 - 2 tbsp humus
5 - celery

5:30pm
100 - Turkey sausage
50 - cabbage, spinach, jalapeño mix, spicy mustard
100 - banana
100 - apple

Bike to gym(2.2 miles)
Run from gym (1.6 miles)
2 NTC ap workouts (butt buster and core crunch)
Bike home (2.2 miles)

8:30p
100 - 3 cups steamed broccoli
100 - 1/2 cup rinsed black beans
140 - 1 cup mushroom spaghetti sauce
40 - 1oz+ hot pepper mix (in sesame oil...didn't read when I bought it...not the cleanest, but I use it very sparingly and drain off the oil)

9:00
100 - grapefruit

...well, I let myself have a cheat dessert.
440 - Dove dark chocolate

1745 for the day. Not bad at all (allowed to to +100 from my daily goal of 1650 as long as I'm not doing it every day...and I felt really good about my workout today)

7/21/13

Holy crap! I slept for like 12 hours...never even got up to pee haha. Apparently after 2 days of no sleep, workouts and stress my body needed to crash hard!

10a
100 - banana
150 - oats
50- Greek yogurt

100 - apple

11:30
25 - 1.5 cups slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
0 - brown mustard
25 - jalapeño mix (I was out off fresh) aka giardiniera...<1oz
20 - 5 grape tomatoes
...holy amazingness!!!

12:30
150 - 2nd serving of above

Bike to/from North Ave beach

4:30
150 - another serving...might be addicted.

5:15
100 - apple
70 - 2oz ham

6:45
150 - oats
50 - Greek yogurt
...had seconds... I'm super hungry tonight. Tummy growling hungry!!

Bike to/from grocery store
8:00
150 - another round, had to finish the avocado lol

9:00
150 - Arctic Zero

Didn't go to the gym today. Biked about 13+ miles, but I'll hit it hard all week. I'm ok with it...reading some magazines and learning more about muscles :)

Was at 1730 but was still feeling REALLY hungry as I was getting ready for bed...tummy growling etc so I had a sweet potato with some spray butter.Prob took me to about 1900 for the day :( And without going to the gym I'm feeling pretty guilty about it.

7/20/13

Couldn't sleep last night so I ate at 4am

200 - oats w/2tbs Greek yogurt

Finally got some sleep...anxiety was raging and I didn't want to take meds at that hour and end up sleeping all day.

10am
190 - cliff mojo bar
0 - iced americano
100 - apple

12:30
100 - chicken sausage w/cabbage & mustard

bike to&from Montrose harbor
50 - strawberries

3:30p
160 - half avocado
150 - sweet potato
50 - mixed slaws (broccoli and regular)
25 - tomatoes & vinegar

6:15
150 - oats
50 - scoop of greek yogurt

Bike to gym
Gym: 20 min random on elliptical level 15, then half hour of chest circuits...feeling strong
Bike from gym to Dominick's
...2 free cookies at the store :( +++

9:30
150 - whole bag frozen okra
100 - 3/4 cup of spaghetti sauce

10p
150 - pint Arctic zero
60 - 2 cups unsweetened almond milk

1710...pretty good (excluding the cookies...but sometime a random sugar treat can help spike metabolism...especially post workout...here's hoping. I still feel good about today. The "unplanned exercise" (aka biking and walking places) made the tiny cheat alright. I feel solid.
Let's hope I can actually sleep tonight!!!

7/19/13 focused & flexing

So I've been under a ridiculous amount of stress lately... that can really have an impact in your body and how it holds onto water and how well you sleep etc... so that vicious cycle has meant that I've been stuck at the same weight. I took another look at my macros and recommended calories and decided (with the help of some friends) that I would eat just barely above my BMR for now until I feel like I'm really able to focus on making my workouts count (my muscles are shaping up but without the right heart rate, the calories aren't being burned as effectively).
So my daily goal is 1600-1650.
(Current BMR is 1590...which means with no physical activity, a desk job etc...that is what I burn every day so that is what I need to stay the same weight...but for now, instead of eating a steady 1800/day because of my activity levels, nor adjusting to eat net/gross daily...I'm gonna just stick with the low daily goal for a bit with my high cortisol [stress hormone] levels slowing my metabolism down)

A quick video of my body's current state

9:00
250 - big serving of oats
100 - Greek yogurt

Biked to/from my Lincoln Park store (5 miles each way... 50-60%humidity,90+, average of 13.5mph through the city [that averages in the time I'm standing still at stop lights...so really, I book it on my single speed haha])

1:00
100 - turkey sausage w/cabbage & mustard

3:30
200 - 2 turkey sausages
100 - 1 cup frozen peas w/ mustard

5:00
190 - cliff nutrition bar

7:00
100 - apple

Rode my bike to&from the gym
GYM: 12 minute elliptical warm up, LOTS of quads, glutes, core and stretching...spent about an hour in the group fitness room mirror making myself sweat from every pore. I was dripping, it was gross/awesome.
10:15p
160 - half avocado
140 - 4oz deli ham
100 - spinach, cole slaw (cabbage & carrots), tomatoes, jalapeno, vinegar

11:15
190 - cliff mojo bar

1630 for the day...on point

7/18/13

7:00
160 - 1/2 cup oats
30 - 1 cup almond milk

9:00
100 - grapefruit

11:00
140 - 2 medium eggs & 2 egg whites
160 - 1/2 avocado

3:00
300 - fresh market salad bar

6:00
300 - broccoli, hummus & veggie straws

Bike to gym
12 minute stationary bike warm up
Squats, angled pull ups, round-the-click lunges, side leg lifts, Roman dead lifts, squat thrusts, side bends, step up w/posterior leg raises
Bike home

10:30
200 - overfilled oats measurement haha
100 - yoplait Greek yogurt

100 - turkey sausage (was still pretty hungry after my oats)

1590 today. I'm good with that.

Gotta go grocery shopping tomorrow...and find lifting gloves.