8/19 - motivated

Starting new.
I'm forgiving myself today. Forgiving the screw ups and failures. Moving forward and living out loud.
I am trying to drink a gallon of water again today to help cleanse myself. I'm eating clean and staying on track. I am treating myself well and focusing on my goals. I will study, clean, smile and laugh today...I will call my loved ones. It's Monday. Get motivated!

350 - protein pancakes
100- apple

Went and got a mani/pedi...worst of my life! Haha seriously looks no better than if I did it myself.
Not doing so well with water so far today...

3:00
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes

Bike to gym
30 minute elliptical. 10 min bike intervals. Abs.
Bike home

5:15
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes
60 - butter lettuce
50 - chia seeds
20 - mustard + jalapeño + vinegar

20 - 2/3c almond milk (put in my coffee)

7:30
100 - lime bar
.1000.
8:30
100 - turkey sausage
300 - 2 sweet potatoes
50 - lots of siracha

60 - half grapefruit
.1550ish

Didn't get water in and need to call loved ones tomorrow. Meeting with my mentor and gonna get a serious workout and some studying in!!!

where to start

Everyone asks me, where do I start?
How about here? Now?

First thing you need to do is figure out WHY you want to lose weight. Make a list. Fill a whole page if you have to... but then look at your list and pick the 5 things that are the most important.

Take a note card and write those top 5 reasons down.
Now, if you can, laminate this or just use tape or contact paper... but this is now your daily reminder card. Put it in your pocket (not your purse) so you feel it there and you remember to look at it a few times every day. Any time you're tempted to make decisions that you know aren't healthy.

So, I'm share...here are my top 5 (if you have +/- 1 on your list it's ok too, just prioritize):
1. Look & feel good naked
2. More confidence
3. Wear cuter clothes
4. Attract fit guys

For me, I might add #5 "fitness modeling" ... as that is something I might try once I reach my body fat goals. But remember, we're all different. So please don't think that you need to look like ANYONE else! Just be you. Healthy you.


Ok, so, SET A GOAL:
I really advise against setting a number. Instead, set a reasonable size expectation and learn to not focus on just weight as one can easily become obsessed and addicted to weighing in. So... set a goal like "fit in my size 8 jeans without a muffin top" etc...

But if that is your end goal, be sure to set little goals along the way. For example: I started out as a size 16 at my heaviest. My original goal was to fit in a size 10 (now my goal is an 8...if my leg muscles will allow it). But for each size that I dropped, I treated myself to something-- NOT FOOD! Like, a new hand bag, or a pair of shoes (remember, buying new jeans can be a crazy investment that you end up moving past...but hot shoes will always fit hehe)... or maybe it's a pedicure? A massage? TREAT YOURSELF!
Set goals for along your health & fitness journey.
Examples:
1. Go a whole week without chocolate/candy/chips
2. A month without soda
3. A month without wine (this is super hard...I know)
4. 64oz water a day for a week
And GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT when you accomplish them! Seriously... fitness isn't just a short mission... you're changing your life and deciding to live healthier so that the HEALTHY you can shine through.

Ok, more soon...start there. Figure out why you're doing it, and set some goals for yourself. Leave a comment and share your goals if you want! I would love to hear them :)

xxo

Reference: The Beck Diet Solution

7/8/13

9:00a
160 - 1/2 cup oats
50 - dollop Greek yogurt
100 - apple

1:30p
90 - pack of Buddings turkey
100 - Apple

Gym:
Short cardio, then legs & glutes. Probably half of what I would normally do, but I'm still sore from Friday!

5:30
100 - broccoli and carrots
50 - peppers (weird jar of mixed spicy goodness)
100 - 1 cup spaghetti sauce
350 - 1 can of fat free refried beans

So I just posted the link to this blog on Facebook... geeze... that made me nervous. Still does. Now I've officially put myself back out there for everyone to see. I mean, let's be honest, not THAT many people are actually going to look at this blog, ever, let alone more than when I actually post the link to remind them about it, but still, it's out there, I did it.

I'm trying to figure out how to post my Instagram photos in my blog. I wish everyone would just go follow there to make it easier HAHAHA! But seriously, I have some really good body progress photos that I haven't posted to facebook. I don't know why I don't just post everything to FB from IG, for whatever reason... it's just different.

Anyway, it's 8:40pm and I'm only at 1100 calories for the day so I might go get myself a treat.
***tonight I am going to do another blog post about motivating and goal setting...just to share a few things I've learned along the way that may help others.

OOOFTAH! Ok, I just ate garbage. That was NOT clean.
Definitely just downed 800 calories of chocolate and ice cream and already hate myself for it. I really should have used those calories in a more effective way, but the PMS in me said CHOCOLATE, NOW!!! Barf... no, I won't barf. I just have to do some planking before bed and at least attempt to burn a few more calories for the day since those last ones were so naughty.

Post about goal setting and motivation coming later tonight.

6/24/13

Another morning feeling lazy! Seriously stayed in bed An hour longer than I planned :-/
But I finally got up and made high fiber instant oatmeal w/some whey protein isolate. Seriously. Just take a packet of oatmeal, add the water, then mix in a spoon full of whey protein...heat, enjoy! So yummy and super filling. I had 2 servings.

320 - 2 packets high fiber instant oatmeal
25 - 1/5 pouch of powder

Then I worked non stop for almost 8 hours and realized I haven't eaten today!!! I usually try to eat about 100 cal every 2/2.5 hours, but today I got way too consumed in my work.
Having a snack and then heading to the gym for LEG DAY!!! :)))

180 - 2 packages of Budding turkey
25 - handful of baby carrots

GYM: Leg day!!!!
5 minute elliptical warm up
12x3 Squats/side leg raises/forward&back lunges
10x3 toes out deadlift/layback pull ups/roman straight leg dead lift
3x 2minutes step up leg raises
10x3 laying hamstring curls/leg press/donkey kicks
5 minute treadmill cool down
...my legs are jello.
Estimating -700 kcal

Met another competitor today. He name is Allison and she does figure in NABBA... she asked if I compete and suggested that I start :)
That paired with the fact that today 3 different friends randomly texted today and said that I inspire them!! I'm blown away. SO motivated to keep going! I am so fueled by the idea of inspiring others!!! Yowza.

Ok...so now I'm starving because I'm running on empty.

360 - full bag of POPchips
150 - whole pint of Arctic Zero
85 - 1 cup fresh blueberries
100 - 1.5oz vodka

Need to use theStick and roll out my hammies, quads, IT bands and glutes before bed!

Realized I was way too low on calories so I had a late meal.

300 - black beans, rinsed
15 - juice from 1 small lime
50? - 2 cups boiled cabbage
10 - Chili powder & hot sauce

back and better than ever

Well, it's time. Time to keep myself accountable again so I've come back to the blog. 100dayshapeup was a bust as I let some of life's hurdles become road blocks that I saw as brick walls rather than just a challenge I could jump over and move past. But now, I'm back... I have a whole new life and I'm SHAPING IT UP! I moved to Chicago at the end of 2012 and early in 2013 (about March) I decided it was time to REALLY focus on what I was eating and what I'm doing to get the body I want and I know I can achieve. I stopped using a calorie counter ap that was telling me to eat too little (My Fitness Pal) and consulted with a nutrition expert. EAT TO LOSE was a whole new concept for me. I had no idea that the diets I'd used in the past weren't working because my body was slowing down into starvation mode. So... for the past 2 months I've been pushing myself to eat clean and train hard. No more 500 calorie elliptical workouts. I am training my entire body using High Intensity Interval Training techniques and weight lifting circuits. I will share details in later blog posts. If you read back to my old posts, you'll know I've struggled with Compulsive Over Eating. This addiction never goes away. It's like being an alcoholic or a drug addict... except that my addiction isn't a substance I can cut out of my life-- you can't NOT eat! So, I'm still working on ways to keep myself away from my trigger foods and stay on track. I'm going to use this blog, again, to keep track of my daily food intake as well as my workouts. I will weigh in on Wednesdays and try to get my body fat % tracked as accurately as possible (this is tough). I started at 196.6 lbs. My current weight is around 175-177 (depending on water/salt/sleep). I will do my best to keep my posts honest and accurate. I am going to look for some honest photos so I can show progress (and history).

67

My severe overeating in the past few days has me feeling... BLAAAAAH
I didn't even record all the crap I ate last night because there was just entirely too much to keep track of. Nothing was really "unhealthy" but the amounts that I gobbled down were just uncool. I am losing steam. I really need motivation.
I'm getting my you-know this week, so I'm feeling extra icky... but seriously, in general, I just feel like crap.
I got sunburned yesterday and that makes me NOT want to go workout... my skin is just going to hurt. UGG. I'll go...

TODAY.
Granola bar (8am)
3 plain tortillas
-
apple
-
salad from walmart (WTF I finally read the health info and the dressing is 450 calories because ONE of those salads is labled as 4.5 servings?!? WTF!!)
-
2 tortillas w/spray butter & splenda (technically this favorite treat of mine is zero points)
-
GYM.
35 minutes Hill Plus on elliptical -425 cal
15 minutes Hill Interval on arc trainer -210
10 minute walking cool down on treadmill
-
1 bowl high fiber cereal
almond milk
-
half omelet (saving other half for breakfast) [9p]
: 4 egg whites, 1 whole egg, green pepper, red pepper, white mushrooms
2 Tbs ketchup

72

This morning's weigh-in made me feel good... but I still need to up my game. This whole "only seeing a lower number every other week" thing isn't ok. I want to see that number drop.
I know I'm building some muscle but I'm just retoning what I already have. We all know I'm already buff enough HAHA. I clearly have another 15 pounds of body fat that I can shed...and I will. I am.

I'm not planning on working out today. It's my last day at my old job!! I have my body wrap today (since yesterday I forgot my clothes). I might go for a walk or something this evening once I get home if it's nice out.

TODAY.
1 tortilla (7:00)
1 Tbs PB
1 tortilla
spray butter, splenda & cinnamon
-
1 medium granny smith apple (9:30)
1 high fiber granola bar
-
2 light string cheese (11:00)
1 litre water
-
Subway salad (12:00)
Greens, veggies
Honey mustard and vinegar (no oil, no fat)
oregano &pepper
-
FormoStar body wrap (1:30)

my struggle

People ask me why I record everything I eat... why am I doing this.
Well, as you know (if you've been following along) I used to be fat (I'm trying to find more pictures so that I can share). And well, for a long time I had a serious problem. An addiction of sorts. I am, and will always be (as any former addict is), a recovering Compulsive Over Eater.
Back before I lost the 60lbs I joined OA = Over-eaters Anonymous. It works just like any other 12 step program.
Wondering what that's like? Well, ask me sometime...rambling about my obsession with food and eating until it hurts isn't what I want to post here.

So, pairing the strength I gained from learning to conquer my addiction with the Beck approach of combining cognitive therapy with changing the way I eat, worked for me...I reframed my way of thinking and practiced great habbits, which allowed me to find success.
THEN I GOT LAZY (and life was pretty out of whack as I left WI etc but I'll jut own up to my laziness).

Now that I have put my foot down and am piecing the life I WANT together, I have the tools and know what I need to do. I'm doing this on display to the general public because I'm too scared of humiliation to back out when I know people are watching me. So... here I am =)

Here are 2 cool resources:
Overeaters Anonymous

Beck Solution

changes

Due to some unforseen changes, the wedding that was the end goal for my personal challenge won't be happening.
However, I have set a goal for myself and I'm going to make it happen. So, small bits of my motivation have changed, but I'm still motivated by my intrinsic need to look my best! I originally thought of myself in comparison to the other women who were standing up in the same wedding party and had the idea of ideally NOT looking 4x their size as part of my motivation. I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but my self consciousness has some strong ties to my naturally larger-than-average stature. Therefore, when I do have extra weight on my physical awareness-- of how much larger I am than the average females around me REALLY sticks out even moreso in my eyes. I know full well that to most people, I do not look fat. I do not think of myself as fat. But I do know when I like the way I look in my under garments and when my clothes fit comfortably (and properly).
So now it's just me against myself...as it always has been, really.
The beat goes on =)

honestly shocking

As I have decided to start posting the link to this blog on my facebook and share it via email with friends and loved ones...I've been getting some feedback that I wasn't expecting.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WEIGH OVER 180 POUNDS?!?!?!?!!? OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ADMIT THAT!!

WTF people... really? Is honestly really that shocking? Why is it such a big deal for a woman who is NOT fat to honestly share her weight. If you look back at pictures of me when I was my thinnest, I was 155lbs~ and all those healthy pictures the comments flooded in for, I was 160-165. Yeah, for me, 160-165 looks great. Shocked by that number? How about you step back and think about this for a minute:

The average American adult female is 5'4" and weighs 140lbs and size 14
The average female we see on television is 5'11 and weighs 117lbs...
Though size 14 is average size in the US, it is the least commonly purchaced size of clothing... odd?
Article 1Article 2

I'm open and honest about what I weigh. Most of my life I was made to feel that this NUMBER was something to be ashamed of. I'm not ashamed. I am not a small person. I am a tall, muscular, beautiful woman... and it took me over 20 years to start believing that.
Now that I am back to focusing on getting myself healthy again, I am sharing every thought, calorie, experience and struggle... in hopes that maybe thoughts from friends (or even strangers) will help to keep me motivated and working hard on myself so that I can reach my final goals.
Even if I get zero feedback, no comments... no help... I wanted to keep myself accountable for all of my actions and I set this goal for myself. I couldn't think of a better way to really be accountable than something that others had public access too and I couldn't hide from ~ of course I could LIE, but what's the point?! I have a goal, it will be reached.
Ok, enough rambling... back to work!!