7/8/13

9:00a
160 - 1/2 cup oats
50 - dollop Greek yogurt
100 - apple

1:30p
90 - pack of Buddings turkey
100 - Apple

Gym:
Short cardio, then legs & glutes. Probably half of what I would normally do, but I'm still sore from Friday!

5:30
100 - broccoli and carrots
50 - peppers (weird jar of mixed spicy goodness)
100 - 1 cup spaghetti sauce
350 - 1 can of fat free refried beans

So I just posted the link to this blog on Facebook... geeze... that made me nervous. Still does. Now I've officially put myself back out there for everyone to see. I mean, let's be honest, not THAT many people are actually going to look at this blog, ever, let alone more than when I actually post the link to remind them about it, but still, it's out there, I did it.

I'm trying to figure out how to post my Instagram photos in my blog. I wish everyone would just go follow there to make it easier HAHAHA! But seriously, I have some really good body progress photos that I haven't posted to facebook. I don't know why I don't just post everything to FB from IG, for whatever reason... it's just different.

Anyway, it's 8:40pm and I'm only at 1100 calories for the day so I might go get myself a treat.
***tonight I am going to do another blog post about motivating and goal setting...just to share a few things I've learned along the way that may help others.

OOOFTAH! Ok, I just ate garbage. That was NOT clean.
Definitely just downed 800 calories of chocolate and ice cream and already hate myself for it. I really should have used those calories in a more effective way, but the PMS in me said CHOCOLATE, NOW!!! Barf... no, I won't barf. I just have to do some planking before bed and at least attempt to burn a few more calories for the day since those last ones were so naughty.

Post about goal setting and motivation coming later tonight.

7/2/13

Went back to the doctor this morning...still in pain. Tests showed the first antibiotic was failing and the infection is still in full force. They prescribed a new antibiotic, an anti-spasmatic (so I don't feel like I have to go every 2 seconds) and sent my sample out for a full culture to make sure it's not some crazy new strand of anything that would need special attention. [p.s. Walgreen's Pharmacy is THE WORST!]
*************HEALING VIBES PLEASE******************


So I didn't eat before I went to the doctor... but I came home and chowed a bit before getting to work.
10:45a
100 - apple
100 - turkey sausage link (gluten free!)
120 - pudding :) [p.s. I am shocked I didn't eat this all last night...shocked]

I upped on my meds today to try to knock out a significant amount of work... gotta set reminders for myself to eat otherwise it'll be 6pm and I'll realize I'm on empty ;)

1:15p
80 - ham (lunch meat)

3:00p
325 - guacamole
50 - carrots

5:30p
60 - pudding (ok, it's gone now hahaha)
100 - apple

bike ride to volleyball (5.2 miles)
3 games of vball
bike ride home (5.2 miles STRAIGHT into the wind... FML with a single speed, this kills)

80 - ham
...more planking! Doing a challenge on Instagram ~ go check it out and get in on the progress train!

9:45pm
75 - kale
30 - cabbage
25 - spinach
160 - half avocado
75 - peppers (sadly, they came in oil)
360 - can of low sodium black beans, rinsed
15 - half lime
5 - balsamic vinegar
0 - apple cider vinegar
15 - liquid aminos

This puts me at 1775 calories for the day... pretty good seeing as I've been struggling lately to get enough in. I'm ok with having some low days since I know with the upcoming holiday weekend I'm going to have some high days... and I think my body likes cycling... though I haven't lost any weight recently. I need to DRINK MORE WATER and watch my sodium.

Might eat a grapefruit before bed too.
100 - grapefruit

total 1875

7/1/13 (July Goals)

It's a new month! Pretty stoked for summer :) Hopefully the rain will stop ruining my fun and it will stay beautiful out for the whole month... ah, wishful ;)

GOALS FOR JULY:
Planking - 5 minute front plank and 3 minutes on each side (current PRs are 2:22 front and 1:01 side)
[check out slambooyfitness.com for the challenge details and follow on Instagram]
Running - run 2 miles without walking [I can do with when I'm with a group, but solo I haven't done a mile yet...hoping my achilles cooperates]
Weight - I would like to get down to 170... I've been up closer to 180 the past few days, but since mid last month I hit 175 I am confident that if I stay focused on my food and drink enough water, I can do this!

So... my kidney infection is still hurting today. If it still hurts by this evening I'll go back to Urgent Care and find out what's going on. This is not fun.
Enough about icky stuff.

9:00a
100 - red delicious apple

10:30a
180 - proats

My heel is still sore, so I'm still waiting on running again... I don't want to risk re-injuring my achilles! But I can go for walks and hit the gym. My body aches and discomfort make these difficult, but I have to tough through. We'll see what the day brings. LOTS of work to do (plus searching for a 2nd job) today...

2:00p
360 - chicken
70 - peas
I needed a caloric meal in there today... definitely going to the gym later and likely for a walk... feeling good about where I am calorie wise so far for the day.

5:00p
Feeling anxious... wish I could just go RUN but my stupid Achilles :( grrrrr endless frustration.
I'm also obsessively thinking about guacamole. I need to eat something to make the cravings go away so I can effectively go shopping and get myself to the gym today.

Went for a 3.1 mile walk, 40 minutes. [- 400 calories]

8:30p
780 - Subway footlong veggie patty sandwich (honey oat, ALL veggies [no onion, no pickle], mustard & vinegar)
holy crap I was starving... scarfed that.

Was pretty torn about getting bread or anything for dinner, but I was SO low for my daily calories and I needed to go grocery shopping [NEVER GO SHOPPING WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY] so I went back and forth with my pseudo-sponsor and decided it was ok. Just making sure my cravings stay under control tonight and tomorrow!

9:30p
180 - pudding :)

struggling

Well, I missed a day (two including today) of tracking my food and thoughts... traveling threw me off and, well, I gave into my struggle.

Compulsive Over Eating. It's like being addicted to any drug, seriously, but I can't give up food. Trigger foods are what an individual with COE identifies as foods that when consumed, lead to binging. Trigger foods cause overwhelming levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, creating  obsessive-like ruminating thoughts. I've always loved food, but COE is more than a love, it's an obsession. For me, it's white foods. Flour (breads and pasta), sugar (this is the most common), potatoes, and dairy. Unless I'm feeling really strong and secure in my control of my thoughts and actions, having a little of any of these foods makes me crave A LOT and I often can't help myself. I over do it. It may sound really weird, and I don't expect anyone to really understand. But it really is an addiction. Just as an alcoholic can't have a little bit of wine without sending themselves into a downward spiral, I am with sugar...and bread. But unlike an alcoholic or a drug addict, I can't quit food cold turkey. I have to learn to cut out my trigger foods again until I am strong enough to lightly incorporate them into my diet (to allow me to feel some normalcy when eating with other people).

So, on vacation I didn't meal prep ahead of time. BIG MISTAKE. I let myself drink and not keep track of what I was consuming.

But I'm home now. VERY unmotivated today because I've been fighting off a UTI since last night. So that's not helping me get to the gym... but I will make it there before the night is through. I have to do something active. I will AT LEAST go for a long walk (though my heel has been hurting since Wednesday...so I'm a bit nervous about too much activity and think elliptical for my cardio today is probably my best bet).

I did some shopping today and I'm stocked with clean foods. I've made a promise with a friend of mine... we're starting tomorrow: one week without our addictions. For me: no sweets, for him: no dip. I can do this. I have it within me to be strong.

Evening update: I went to the gym, but my UTI spoke up and I was forced to go to Urgent Care. The doctor at least made me laugh and she said with my test levels that I must have Wonder Woman's pain tolerance. HAHA... so anyway, my workout was only 30 minutes, but I got antibiotics and that should clear up quickly so that I can focus and kick my ass this week.

6/25/13

Woke up at a decent hour today...felt really weird eating such a big meal so late last night, but I had to! I really wanted sweets, but I'm glad I stayed home and didn't allow myself to go get anything I'd regret.

160 - 1 packet high fiber instant oatmeal
100 - 4 medium eggs (3 whites, 1 whole)
.... cooked the eggs over medium then plopped on top of my oats, mix! The gooey YOKE cooked into the HOT oats. YUMMY :)

110 - jalapeño Smart Fries
0 - Rockstar zero carb

250 - 1.5oz raw almonds

130 - beef jerky

240 - 4oz chicken tenderloin
25 - spinach

Vball game canceled so I went for a run/walk...and a thunderstorm hit. SO FUN! Haha I was soaked but I loved it.
Est -520 calories (Nike+ didn't sync for the first half mile of my run)

50 - broccoli
30 - cabbage
50 - carrots
200 - 2oz chicken tenderloin cooked in wine

I think I might walk to Walgreens and snag a little bit of chocolate since I've been so good with food (and I'm too low on calories again today).

Need to clean and pack!! Heading to Indianapolis tomorrow evening through Saturday and then straight to Milwaukee before Ma leaves the country for 3 weeks. I will definitely be tested when I am outside of my controlled environment.

6/24/13

Another morning feeling lazy! Seriously stayed in bed An hour longer than I planned :-/
But I finally got up and made high fiber instant oatmeal w/some whey protein isolate. Seriously. Just take a packet of oatmeal, add the water, then mix in a spoon full of whey protein...heat, enjoy! So yummy and super filling. I had 2 servings.

320 - 2 packets high fiber instant oatmeal
25 - 1/5 pouch of powder

Then I worked non stop for almost 8 hours and realized I haven't eaten today!!! I usually try to eat about 100 cal every 2/2.5 hours, but today I got way too consumed in my work.
Having a snack and then heading to the gym for LEG DAY!!! :)))

180 - 2 packages of Budding turkey
25 - handful of baby carrots

GYM: Leg day!!!!
5 minute elliptical warm up
12x3 Squats/side leg raises/forward&back lunges
10x3 toes out deadlift/layback pull ups/roman straight leg dead lift
3x 2minutes step up leg raises
10x3 laying hamstring curls/leg press/donkey kicks
5 minute treadmill cool down
...my legs are jello.
Estimating -700 kcal

Met another competitor today. He name is Allison and she does figure in NABBA... she asked if I compete and suggested that I start :)
That paired with the fact that today 3 different friends randomly texted today and said that I inspire them!! I'm blown away. SO motivated to keep going! I am so fueled by the idea of inspiring others!!! Yowza.

Ok...so now I'm starving because I'm running on empty.

360 - full bag of POPchips
150 - whole pint of Arctic Zero
85 - 1 cup fresh blueberries
100 - 1.5oz vodka

Need to use theStick and roll out my hammies, quads, IT bands and glutes before bed!

Realized I was way too low on calories so I had a late meal.

300 - black beans, rinsed
15 - juice from 1 small lime
50? - 2 cups boiled cabbage
10 - Chili powder & hot sauce

50

failing... today was terrible
my eating disorder took over and I've been binging all day. My emotional stress got the best of me and I allowed myself to just eat until that hurt more than other stuff. I'm at a low. I hate it. I am not being nice to myself because I can't love myself when all I see myself doing is ugly.
I started to fall in love with a man who is the opposite of whom I ever saw myself falling for... and just like every guy I've ever met, out came the "I'm not ready" talk. FUCK!!!! Seriously, it's not fair to tell somebody you love them but you're scared and pull a 180. We all have hardships in our lives... but it's also an important piece of living successfully that we each find the balance we need. When you meet somebody you can see yourself growing old with, who makes you smile every time you catch their eye contact...how can you turn away from them? How can you bring yourself to say that you're willing to let them go, watch them date other people...can he really expect me to think that someday down the line, when he's "ready" that I'll be willing to put myself at risk of this same thing again?! What if we do start something down the line... will there be another time after that where he puts on the breaks and pushes me away?!
I hurt.
My stomach hurts.
I have been eating poorly and not working out... I binged terribly today. I need somebody...I need help from a friend. I need an encouraging hand and I don't know where to reach to find such a thing.
Half way through my challenge and I've dug myself into a hole.
Ouch.

53

Well, my attempt to keep track of what I ate while in the desert was a complete failure... but what I can tell you, is that it was entirely too much CRAP. I'm thinking about not weighing myself this week because I really am about to kick myself into high gear and make this shiz happen.

Today.
2 tortillas
2 Tbs PB
1 tsp honey
-
1 high fiber granola bar.
-
2 turkey dogs
1 tortilla
lettuce
mustard
-
WHY the heck is the gym always closed on holidays?? I mean, come on... we all know everyone eats too much on holidays and especially when the holiday creates a long weekend. This is EXACTLY when people NEED to work out. Pay your employees double time and open the ef up!! Mother truckers.
-
1 bag spring greens
fat free dressing

58

Haven't been to the gym in quite a while, I really need to do that ASAP... but living life has been entirely too much fun. Playing with a new beau and trying to get a new job... there has yet to be a dull moment.

TODAY.
1 tortilla (9:30)
1 Tbs pb
-
1 monster absolute zero
-
1 shot sailor jerry
-
Birthday (tomorrow really) dinner ~
Sushi: 1 1/2 rolls
1 seaweed salad
1 large saporo





Thursday - Monday I'll be disappearing into the desert and most likely won't have any phone service (let alone a charged phone) so I won't be posting. I will attempt to keep a physical journal or what I eat and drink to the best of my ability/convenience, but don't know how well that will go. I'm hoping that my self consciousness of being in a bathing suit and shorts around people I will stay active and limit beer intake to avoid bloating. HAHA... that sounds so lame but it's what I'm thinking...ergo, it's what I'm posting in this blog.

62

Didn't snowboard today... woke up with CRAZY cramps and just wan't happy about not being able to stand up straight.

TODAY.
3 packets of sugar free oatmeal (9:30)
-
1 light string cheese (12)
1 granola bar
-
2 coors lights (4pm)
-
STARVING!!!!! So I was naughty
1 hot dog (7p)
1 personal bag of jalapeno chips
big salad (not too bad, I didn't eat the cheese and made some light ranch+vinegar dressing)
-

63

Was going to go snowboarding today, but Dick Bass (who I affectionately call Cock Trout) decided that Snowbird should be CLOSED today!!! MOTHER TRUCKER!!!

TODAY.
1 Tortilla
3 slices deli turkey
-
1 rockstar recovery
1 coffee
-
2 light string cheese (11)
2 cups carrots
1/2 cup dressing
-
1/2 cup AllBran (1p)
1 cup natural apple sauce
-
1 can chuck light tuna (4p)
1/2 cup frozen pees
2 Tbs fat free miracle whip
-
2 light string cheese (5p)
-
1 can progresso light soup (6:00)
-
2 packages no sugar oatmeal (8:oo)
-
GEEZE I ate a lot, seems like it, today... I might have more oatmeal later or maybe 100 calorie pack of popcorn. It being "that time" does make me hungry... but I need to drink more water!!!!
-
1 weightwatchers yogurt
1/2 cup blackberries
2 tortillas w/spray butter, splenda and cinnamon


FUCK I ate so much today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too many snacks. I gotta figure out how to cure my sugar cravings when I'm menstrual because this is ridiculous.

64

another rainy day... and to make things worse, the new job is no more. I came home yesterday crying because I felt so lied to. I go in this morning and they sit me down and say things aren't working out. Ya think?! They lied to me. They made me a sales person making cold calls. I've never done sales in the first place, they told me I'd do that part of the time and no cold calls... so, um, anyhow... MOVING FORWARD. Applying for any/everything I can find right now just so I can get some income and keep looking for the right fit.


TODAY.
1 light string cheese
2 cups steamed broccoli
1/2 cup dressing w/fiber
-
15 minutes bike
30 minute Hills Plus on elliptical
1 mile cool down on treadmill
-
1 light string cheese (8)
-
1 chicken breast (9:30)
3 sun dried half tomatoes
green beans
mushroooms
-
4oz black Heart (generic sailor jerry) w/diet dr. pepper

65

TODAY.
2 tortillas w/spray butter, splenda and cinnamon
1 light string cheese
-
4'' subway sandwich -ham, mustard, veggies
turkey & veggies out of another one of these (didn't eat bread, nor cheese)
-
flax seed cereal (4:30)
almond milk
-
tortilla (6)
w/the usual
2 cups carrots
dressing (no fat, added fiber)
-
1/2 cup AllBran
2/3 cup natural apple sauce
1/4 tsp cinnamon

66

Tortilla (8)
1/2 cheeseless omelet
Apple
-
SmartOne (5 pts) (noon)
Yogurt
-
Salad (5:15)
Spinach, fat free dressing, chicken, almonds, black beans, tomatoes, sprouts
Small piece of french bread
One strawberry w/chocolate
-
Long day at work... 12 hours... definitely wanna hit the gym afterwards, been sitting for entirely too long
-
GYM.
30 minutes Hills Plus on elliptical -350 calories
15 minutes on sitting bike -210 calories
3x10 reverse push ups
-
2 cups raw carrots
dressing
-
Sweet potato (10)
spray butter

67

My severe overeating in the past few days has me feeling... BLAAAAAH
I didn't even record all the crap I ate last night because there was just entirely too much to keep track of. Nothing was really "unhealthy" but the amounts that I gobbled down were just uncool. I am losing steam. I really need motivation.
I'm getting my you-know this week, so I'm feeling extra icky... but seriously, in general, I just feel like crap.
I got sunburned yesterday and that makes me NOT want to go workout... my skin is just going to hurt. UGG. I'll go...

TODAY.
Granola bar (8am)
3 plain tortillas
-
apple
-
salad from walmart (WTF I finally read the health info and the dressing is 450 calories because ONE of those salads is labled as 4.5 servings?!? WTF!!)
-
2 tortillas w/spray butter & splenda (technically this favorite treat of mine is zero points)
-
GYM.
35 minutes Hill Plus on elliptical -425 cal
15 minutes Hill Interval on arc trainer -210
10 minute walking cool down on treadmill
-
1 bowl high fiber cereal
almond milk
-
half omelet (saving other half for breakfast) [9p]
: 4 egg whites, 1 whole egg, green pepper, red pepper, white mushrooms
2 Tbs ketchup

69

Been eating a lot lately as I'm not as busy...

This morning.
Half a 3 egg ommlet with mushrooms and cheese
2 pieces of wheat toast lightly buttered
hashbrowns (very dry, not too greasy)
-
2 tortillas w/spenda, spray butter & cinnamon (11am)
-
GYM.
10 minute warm up Random on sitting bike
25 minutes Hill Plus on elliptical -280 calories
leg press
-
1 rockstar recovery
-
1 tortilla (5pm)
4 slices fat free deli turkey
spinach
mustard & horse radish
-
1 high fiber granola bar
1 tsp PB
-
steamed broccoli & raw carrots (I think I ate my weight haha)
dressing
-
24oz soy chai latte
-
1 1/2 cups red grapes (9pm)

70 ?

Well, Blogger decided to crap out on me for 2 days and I couldn't post anything...

Friday, day 70 I ate too much.. again. a few bad days there

Went snowboarding at the bird for 4 hours, had a pbr on the tram deck... and then had a fish burrito. Didn't eat the whole thing. Dumped it out and ate the protein out of it.

Apple w/PB
a few tortillas

Rockstar recovery... no full record, ugg.

Then I had 2 beers in the evening.

72

This morning's weigh-in made me feel good... but I still need to up my game. This whole "only seeing a lower number every other week" thing isn't ok. I want to see that number drop.
I know I'm building some muscle but I'm just retoning what I already have. We all know I'm already buff enough HAHA. I clearly have another 15 pounds of body fat that I can shed...and I will. I am.

I'm not planning on working out today. It's my last day at my old job!! I have my body wrap today (since yesterday I forgot my clothes). I might go for a walk or something this evening once I get home if it's nice out.

TODAY.
1 tortilla (7:00)
1 Tbs PB
1 tortilla
spray butter, splenda & cinnamon
-
1 medium granny smith apple (9:30)
1 high fiber granola bar
-
2 light string cheese (11:00)
1 litre water
-
Subway salad (12:00)
Greens, veggies
Honey mustard and vinegar (no oil, no fat)
oregano &pepper
-
FormoStar body wrap (1:30)

74

I'm a quarter of the way through my challenge... but I still have a long way to go. 100 days is a pretty long challenge. I know I probably could have really pushed myself to do a challenge like this in a much shorter period of time but I think this more drawn-out process will help to reset my brain with all of the positive habits that need to be part of my regular routine and I will be more likely to continue with the healthy lifestyle well after my 100 days are over.

Yesterday was definitely a personal disappointment - the amount I ate compared to the level of activity for the day was not balanced and so I'm a mad at myself for that. I am not getting my body wrap today due to working late but I will be going tomorrow after work so that I do have my detox before my weekly weigh-in. I'm going to the gym today, but probably not tomorrow (but who knows, tomorrow I might feel like going after my wrap and that would be great, but I'm unsure at this point what my time will look like.)


TODAY.
Beef Jerky (130 calories ~ I need to go shopping, I had it left over from the weekend and didn't have my normal breakfast foods in the house~ I need to shop)
1 Tbs PB
-
1 rockstar recovery
-
1 litre water
-
1 can progresso chicken & wild rice
-
1 pear
-
GYM:
30 minutes on bike -285 calories
15 minutes on elypitical -180 calories
1/2 mile walking cool down on the treadmill
-
pollock fillet cooked in nothing but water from the melting frozen veggies
spices
veggies
sweet potato
1/2 cup mushroom spaghetti sauce
-
1 skinny cow ice cream treat
2 glasses of water
-
1 bowl high fiber cereal
2/3 cup almond milk

75

Woke up SO sore from biking... wow. My butt hurts. Decided it's a hiking day.

2 Tortillas
2 tsp PB
Beef Jerky (120 calories)
1 pear
-
Chorizo scramble @ Jail House Cafe in Moab
-
Hiking in Arches NP (nothing too strenuous, but lots of fun)
-
Raisins & Almonds
1 bag kettle chips (personal size) ~ yeah, Super naughty day... ugg.
1 spicy v8
-
10 chicken nuggets
3oz mushroom spaghetti sauce
-
McFlurry w/All Bran cereal (super high fiber) and fiber powder

Overall a really bad day with food... I over did it. Back to the grind this week...new beginnings and fresh starts. I'm pumped. I had a great weekend.