I was training my butt off for the Arnold. Terry worked me for 12 weeks and we saw massive improvements in my performance. My pressing events had become a strength where they used to be a weakness. My log press had gone up 40lbs from the previous year! I was faster and more efficient than ever in every event. I frequently doubted myself in training, but my husband would cheer my on and Terry would send messages to boost my confidence--as if he knew my strengths better than me.
During my final workout before resting for contest, I was instructed to run through contest weights for the press medley. The week before, when I C&J 225 on a power bar, it tore up my neck... the area was still tender as the scabs healed, so I was timid to get under the bar... and just like that, fear literally crippled me. I broke my right wrist and couldn’t compete.
The emotional pain of missing out on such a huge goal of mine has been difficult to get over. I had a whole community of people who believed in me enough to financially support my trip to Ohio and because of one split second of fear, I let them all down.
If I wasn’t already in a dark place, a lapse in my insurance coverage meant I was 3K in the hole after the ER & Orthopedic 🤦🏻♀️
So what now? How do you deal with such a blow to your identity?
What I mean is that being without use of my dominant hand for weeks/months means I can’t train-- at least not the way I’m used to (aka the way I want)... the first few weeks were quite a struggle to get myself moving. Luckily my husband, Eli, pushed me to take care of myself. Self-care. Remember how important that was during other hard times? How the heck is it so easy to forget that?! So I asked Eli to help me write workouts and I hit up some of my homies from Team Some Assembly Required who are Single Arm Athletes (SAA) for ideas. Now, I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’m doing more work than I was for the first couple weeks and I definitely feel better about myself.
Eli also reminded me to look inside and focus on the other parts of what make me ME... I have also been bummed that this is the 2nd snowboard season in a row that I got ZERO days in snow... so what else do I love? What brings me joy?
Music. Dance. Art. Writing... shit, yes. I need to write and create! I need to get what I’m feeling OUT! ...so that’s what I’m trying to dedicate time to doing. Every day, I will: write, dance, sing/play, paint... one of those for at least 20 minutes. I will workout 5x a week doing modified strength training or SAA scaled WODs.
I may have been crippled by fear... but that’s past-tense on purpose. I have work to do and this is just another one of life’s hurdles. Lesson learned. Time to keep learning and moving forward.
