2013 lessons

Reflecting back on then past year, I am amazed by all of the transformations I've made in my own life. Emotionally, physically, priorities, ideals, directions, goals, career... flip. Everything.

I started 2013 on a low note. I went through one of the most emotionally and physically painful experiences of my life... and as I launched full force into a job I moved cross-country for, I thought 2013 was mine. Finally, my chance to prove all my doubters wrong.
By March I realized I wasn't moving forward. Physically I reached a scary upswing in my physical yoyo. I was depressed and anxiety was crippling. I moved into my own place and woke up by the end of March, knowing the girl I saw in the mirror didn't match who I was inside.
Inspired by fitspo pages on IG I made changes. I tore my Achilles just as I was getting started, but I worked through rehab and my clean diet was on point. By summer I was on point and my body finally matched the image I had in my head.
I started to let myself lift heavy and I not longer feared my muscles. I met a man who supported me and supported everything I was aiming for...but he wasn't completely available. I played a secondary role in his life while allowing him to sit shot gun in mine.
I left one career with aggrandized promises of a sure-shot into another. As I struggled during transition, the man who I gave my heart to walked away with ease (seemingly) and I have struggled through the holidays trying to heal without using my food addiction as a band aid.
So now I'm here. I find myself more motivated than ever.
Lesson learned: be #1
Never let yourself settle for less than you deserve. Never allow a man/woman put you in second place...no matter how much they make your heart smile... be the best version of you... chase dreams... when others doubt you, prove them wrong... focus in yourself... take care of #1... be grateful for the little things everyday... win.
" Two is not a winner and three no one remembers."
Be #1... focus in you, never settle for less than you deserve/want and you'll find balance.
I am number 1.
Here's to 2014...being the best version of me, yet aiming to constantly improve.
Live.Love.Laugh...and lift ;-)

Closing in

As the end of the year quickly approaches, I have been feeling completely overwhelmed by everything. Heart break, job chasing, injury, impending family time, tempting foods...all this has been making my anxiety flair and my sleep patterns have been HORRIBLE (incredibly disturbing dreams included).

Yesterday, while checking out a gym in the burbs, a trainer asked what enhancers I take. I told him I'm 100% natural and he said he didn't believe me. WTF. I'm not a she-hulk! You know, it took me over 30 years to NOT feel like a genetic freak...but all it took was one ignorant prick while my defenses are weak and my self-esteem flat lined :-\

Anyway, today I decided to pick myself back up from that crumble! I slayed legs at the gym and then played dress up at home because it was too darn cold to go do anything else :)

OMG it's December

Holy wow... time flies!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've really been trying to focus on accomplishing tasks and updating the blog has gone on the back burner (just like I've posted on IG less frequently).

Well, Thanksgiving was a challenge, but I feel pretty good about it. Being at my mom's house any time is tough because of the accessibility of snacks and unconscious eating opportunities... plus being away from my gym... but I made myself stay around people for the 3 days I was home. When I'm around people, I am less likely to binge-- it's a private thing for me. Also, I didn't drink. I drank Thanksgiving night after we got home from my step aunt's house (thankfully, we didn't bring home any left overs) but not in excess-- just enough to fall asleep.

But yeah, for Thanksgiving I took microwave-steamable green beans with me and ate light meat turkey, stuffing (come on, it's my mom's recipe and pretty much my favorite thing ever) and green beans... I didn't have any potatoes nor creamed spinach... and then, I had a large piece of pumpkin pie (which, sadly, I was disappointed by). But I did cardio every day that I was home and did some arms & shoulders with the old weights I found in Ma's basement. When I go home for Christmas I'm going to get a week pass to either her gym or LA Fitness so that I can make sure I don't get TOO off track. Both of my brothers will be home, so a few days with them, crazy food, cookies, wine (I'll hardly drink), plus the anxiety being around family gives me... I'm REALLY going to need my gym time so I can decompress.

Here's go staying strong for December... "prepping" as much as I can for the 6 days I'll be with family at the end of the month so I can launch into 2014 feeling nothing but confidence!