8/31

Didn't sleep very well...had very strange dreams and kept waking up.
7:30
120 - English muffin
100 - 1 tbsp pub
80 - apple

Gym: elliptical warm up, 30 minutes of shoulders/abs/lower back...was rushed but tried to get a good sweat and burn while Ma did her cardio.
-350 ...more cardio later (either a run/walk or elliptical at home)
80 - apple

Went to the farmers market and got more veggies than we'll be able to down in 2 days haha.
10:30
150 - 1/2c oats
20 - 2 large egg whites
50 - fruit
150 - peanuts

Shopping w/Ma...got all sorts of new gym clothes!!
200 - 4oz chicken breast
50 - arugula (w/mustard & vinegar)
Net.600.

6:00
60 - arugula & dressing
6:30
200 - spicy broccoli slaw
300? - chicken lettuce wraps

-400 elliptical
9:00
80 - 1/4+c oats
160 - 23 almonds

...snacks & vodka... dirty night to end the month :-/ woops!

8/30 - home

Heading home today. Gotta stay out of the kitchen when I'm there!!

8:00
40 - 5 medium egg whites
120 - 1/2 avocado
20 - tomatoes & mushrooms
... was still hungry
80 - >1/4c oats
100 - banana
20 - 2/3c almond milk

9:30
80 - apple

12:30
550 - Went out to lunch w/Ma and ordered some modified stuff to stay clean!! Had the elements of a catfish po-boy put on a side salad with some vinegar and glazed onions...yum!

4:00
80 - apple

6:30
500 - tiny piece of clean grilled pork tenderloin, steamed broccoli, sautéed veggies (just used PAM), salsa

-450 elliptical

180 - 2 Absolut & seltzer
300 - hand full of almonds (naughty, but I'm not mad about it)
Net.1620.

REALLY excited for the gym in the morning (Ma got me a guest pass). Planning to do a major core burn...gonna call it HardCORE day. Abs, obliques, lower back and some glutes. Only have an hour so I've gotta make the most of it! If the weather holds out I'll run in the evening (or just add on some elliptical time).

8/29

9:00
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
100 - banana

10:00
80 - apple
SQUAT day with Lauren. Holy hell. He slayed my quads and glutes. The man knows me, my goals, my weaknesses...and he won't let me quit. That's why he's my favorite!
-1000 calories

12:30
110 - Greek yogurt
220 - protein bar
220 - Ritter sport ...yep :-P

3:00
80 - apple

5:00
100 - bag of broccoli slaw
250 - 1.5c black beans
100 - peanut sauce

Walk to/from grocery store
-200
400 - 2 cookies from Dominick's :)

8:00
150 - Arctic Zero
.775.
9:00
500 - bottle of Prosecco... yep, that happened. My veins are going CRAZY haha... arms look pretty insane right now.
.1275.
10p
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
net.1440.

8/28

Feeling sluggish today. Looking at my body I know I have been working hard, but I've been "cheating" a lot and eating not-clean foods when I have the caloric allowance. I need to stay focused and make better decisions.
I am going home for the weekend and that will be a big challenge. I need to figure out how to stay bout of the kitchen (which is always where we end up gathering and hanging out)...maybe I can lock the snack cabinet haha!

9:00
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - Greek yogurt

12:00
100 - apple

2:00
150 - 1/2coats
110- Greek yogurt

4:00
200 - 3 medium zucchini baked w/cooking spray, pepper and spices

Haven't done any working out yet today...been struggling with my anxiety and everything. Need to just get out the door. I thought about going to swim, but I'd have to wait til way later for that or the pool is too crowded. I'll probably just go for a walk/run... I need to figure out what my actual calories being burned are-- I think the guesstimate on Nike+ is way too high. I mean, last night, 7.75 miles and almost 1000 calories? Just doesn't seem right. Maybe if I had been running that whole time, but that just seems too high.
5:00
150 - oats
200 - 1/2 can crushed pineapple

-500 5 mile walk (Nike+ says 600something calories but for a walk, I'm giving it 100/mile)

8:00
100 - bag of shaved Brussels sprouts
50 - small sweet potato (no skin)
50 - mustard & juice of 1/2 lime & vinegar
5 - jalapeno
160 - 4oz deli ham

9:00
150 - oats
200 - 1/2 can crushed pineapple
.1385.
shooting for net 1600 again... with TRYING to keep track of my burned calories as accurately as I can (or undershooting when in doubt).
Tomorrow is squats & lunges galore with my mentor... gotta be ready and then eat super clean all day to prep for my weekend up at Ma's!

8/27/13 dirty

8:45
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - Greek yogurt

Bike to/from gym
10 min elliptical warm up. Bi/tri 3 supersets. Abs & obliques.
Gonna run tonight after it cools down and do more abs.

1:00
100 - apple

1:30
1000 - "all american" panini from Jewel. Advertising works...I've been craving a big sandwich for days because of shit I see on billboards. So, this isn't eating clean. Totally guessing on calories too, but I'm sure I'm petty close. This is naughty. I really need to start doing meal prep.**this broken up into 2 meals...2nd half will likely be eaten around 3**

4:00
100 - apple

went for a 7.75 mile walk (some running) and it was hot as balls out... burned 1000 calories :)
8:00
150 - 1/2c oats
110 - greek yogurt

9:00
200 - green beans
100 - spaghetti sauce
150 - deli ham
...at just under 1200 net so far (not even counting my gym workout calories lol)... so, I get snacks! WOOT!

8/26

Woke up hella sore today. Definitely feel yesterday's workout in my back. Really need a massage!
9:00
80 - apple
150 - 1/2c oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites

12:30
300 - 1c oats
100 - 1c frozen berries
20 - 2/3c unsweetened almond milk

Lifted chest (and some shoulder work) with Lauren...almost a 2 hour workout. Loved it!! Learning so much from him.
Dumb move: went grocery shopping after the gym without eating first. Ended up eating the whole box of my fiber granola bars before I got home. Idiot.
600 - 5 granola bars

7:30
25 - bag of butter lettuce
140 - 2 vegan Boca burger patties
15 - lime juice, mustard
20 - grape tomatoes
50 - nutritional yeast
.1535.
10:00
100 - lime fruit flo
400 - dark chocolate :)
.2000ish

8/25

8:30
100 - apple
150 - oats
15 - 2 medium egg whites
100 - banana

Lifted with Lauren. Dead lifts, good mornings, pull ups, wide lat pull downs, hamstring curls, overhead raises, reverse fly, some core and stretching! Painful calf massage. Yowza! Body fat caliper test showing I'm right around 15%... gotta keep going on the lean train! But then a relaxing steam and I feel awesome. ...definitely high calorie burn!

1:30 I need to go online and figure out what kind of damage my lunch was...went to Chipotle. Burrito:) the tortilla is the bad part, I forgot they don't have options like the places in Utah...but I didn't want a bowl. I was craving a big, lettuce-stuffed, meaty wrap (no cheese, no cream...kept it clean)
920 - according to the calculator on Chipotle's site...but 3000mg sodium!!! I am currently wearing compression sleeves with my legs up so I can go for a run/walk later and try to burn some of that off and get some of that sodium out!!

120 - soft serve cone

Run... 5.4 miles run/walk... -684

8:45
240 - bag of frozen shrimp
150 - bag of frozen okra
20 - coconut oil spray & juice of half a lime
.1815.
10:00
360 - bag of POPchips... I worked hard today, and even though I'm going over my calories I'm going to be really good this week (especially since I'm going home for Labor Day weekend and have to prep my will power). So, a Sunday cheat. Ah well!! I'll work it off tomorrow with a run and then lifting chest with Lauren in the afternoon.

Photos I snapped yesterday. Me at  about 15%bf (calipered today after our workout and Lauren guestimated knowing where I was and from his professional experience...I will test again mid-week before a workout)...point of the pics is **notice no abs**... way too much salt in my diet lately and not nearly enough water.

8/24 control

So...for me, the flexibility of aiming for a NET goal each day isn't working for me. It is too easy for me to slip in trigger foods that lead to uncontrollable cravings and then binging. Like last night...I tagged on another 500 calories (of clean, healthy things) at home because I couldn't get my mind off food. Luckily I don't have bad foods at home, but still...calories are calories and I need to control.
Will power is like a muscle, the more you work it the stronger it gets!!
Having the white carbs I allowed myself yesterday was too soon. I am working hard to not fear food anymore. I'm striving to just love healthy and roll with it when "real/normal" food is presented and I eat it. A few weeks of major focus and I know I can get there!!!
So, for now... with my BMR at 1547 and I have definitely increased my average daily activity... so I'm going to aim for about 1800 every day. Scooby's site says 1900-2100 but knowing my body, I feel like that's too much for right now... also, shooting lower will allow me to feel less anxious about a cheat here and there. So, going back to a consistent number no matter what my workouts are. Different strategies work for different people... and for me, I need more structure when it comes to food because of my personal issues.
Was up late (anxiety and food thoughts) so I slept in.
10a
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
80 - apple

12:00
100 - banana

3:15
120 - Greek yogurt
80 - >1/4c oats

Was starving after shopping and grabbed Subway... I will not fear food!
6:00
400 - 6" veggie patty on honey oat, no cheese, all veggies (no onion no pickles), vinegar, pepper, oregano

Bike to/from gym -135ish
Cardio & core -500 or so

8:45
200 - 24oz green beans
75 - 3/4c spaghetti sauce
140 - 2 original vegan Boca burgers

Bike to/from store -80 cal
10:30pm
300 - 2 pints of Artic Zero... yep, 2 hahaha I was jonesing for ice cream for like 3 days and after being good today with my food I knew it was an Artic Zero kind of night. I'm stuffed :) SO stoked for tomorrow morning's workout with Lauren!
.1745.

8/23

Since more people are checking this, I'll do an extra post that brings back up some recipes...otherwise you'll have a lot of scrolling to do haha... but anyway, stoked that I get to try a new gym this morning and lift with a pro bodybuilder (watch IG later).

9:30
50 - 5 medium egg whites (10 cal for a large egg white, but watevs)
120 - 1/2 medium avocado
80 - red delicious apple
25 - instant coffee + unsweetened almond milk

Lifted w/a bodybuilder...just arms.
Biked almost 12 miles commuting which means about -400 calories :)

800 - 3 pieces of cheese-less gf vegan pizza...craziness, but yolo right? Haha Nah, not that bad and I'm doing more cardio tonight.

6:30
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

-350 cardio
More weights...and studying kinesiology

360 - popchips (whole foods is right out the door at the gym...I love those things!)

200 - 1c fiber pasta
60 - whole bag baby spinach
20 - coating of evoo spray
20 - grape tomatoes
50 - 2 tbsp nutritional yeast
Add some pepper and salt and WOW this turned out to be one of the best meals ever. So yummy!!! The yeast has almost a cheesy, nuttiness tobit and using pan spray evoo helps cut WAY back on usage of oil. Just sprayed and stirred everything together so it was all coated. Amazeballs.
.1350.

8/22 - net

Screw the myfitnesspay ap. I don't like that it just has 3 meals and "snacks"... I eat like 6 times or more a day and so it's not showing me my patterns. It's a convenient tracking of other elements like protein, carbs, fats and sodium... but I need to find something that works better for what I'm doing.

Currently, my BMR is 1570... my goal is to eat NET 1400-1450 calories a day. What this means is that I add my burned calories from exercise to my allowance. So... like today... I lifted (which I don't count in calorie burning) and ran which burned 750. So, 1400+750...I get to eat 2150 calories! WOOT!
I try to eat 160g protein a day... and balance that with the same in carbohydrates.
Aside from my occasional cheats, I eat clean.

CLEAN: no flour, no dairy (ok, super minimal), no refined sugar, no oil (or limited used as sprays for cooking/baking), no white rice, no reg potatoes... avoiding man-made things. Sort of paleo, but I get to eat oats (Paleo says no grain) and legumes. mmmmm peanuts!

Today:
10a
100 - yoplait fat free greek yogurt
150 - 1/2c oats
80 - apple

GYM: reverse leg press, butt buster, TRX single leg squats, single arm double time ballet squats, squat thrusters w/15 lb barbells, exercise ball hip raises (2 feet, then individual), step ups w/posterior leg raises & 15lb dumbells, back leg up on bench lunges w/15lb dumbells, exercise ball sit ups/full extensions/hyper-extensions

2:30
50 - 1/2 bag tri color coleslaw
130 - 1/2 avocado
100 - 2 small sweet potatoes
5 - jalapeno
35 - 1/2 tbsp chia seed

4:00
80 - apple
60 - 2oz deli ham

6:00
80 - apple

RUN - 5.75 miles of run/walk (tracked via Nike+)... approximately 750 calories burned
9:00
350 - can of fat free refried beans
100 - bag of broccoli florettes
25 - green chillies
25 - hot sauce (siracha... sugar in that shiz... prob cutting this out of my life for a while)
.1370.
I'm not even sure this whole net thing is gonna work out... that's a LOT of calories every day with me working out more and more. I'm going to try this for at least a few days and then I might go back to a set caloric goal for a few more weeks as I keep leaning out (this is just a stage... once I get to my goal BF then I will be at a maintenance stage where I will try to maintain weight and go for some gains in certain muscles groups that need it).
But since I have the calories to spare, I'm going to get myself a treat :) Running means I get so many cheats! I love this shit. HAHA
10:15
360 - POPchips (heck yeah they're clean eats... and so delish haha)
210 - kitkat dark... yeah, not clean... but yums
.1940.

8/21 - different, yet destructive

So I'm going to stop putting all my food here for a bit, but I'll share my net daily calories each day... I'm gonna try tacking with myfitnesspal again and see if it works at all. I feel like I ate SO much today.
But now this evening, I got destructive. My net calories will be about 2200 for the day (3400 total)...but I've gotta get a grip!

I've been searching for validation in all the wrong places. Today is officially 4 years and one month since PC broke up with me (and then "hurt me" in October)...I feel SO undesirable. I'm in the best shape I've been in a LONG time...but I can't seem to find anyone who wants me for anything more than sex...well, nobody that I'm actually attracted to. It is really troubling.
Major fat kid status today...back to the grind tomorrow.

8/20 - dig deep

I'm not feeling as motivated as I wanted when I started yesterday. I am going to have some me time this morning and then hit the gym... meeting my mentor around lunch to get some learning in plus share some feel-good vibes. He is a blessing to have in my life. Such a rad friend and amazing mentor on numerous levels.

9:00am
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana
...I wanted to stick under 300 this morning, but I needed the sugar to start out my day with some energy so I threw in the banana. Now to get coffee!

1:45
100 - bag of shaved brussels sprouts (just shy of 3c)
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes and jalapeno
20 - mustard and balsamic
100 - turkey sausage
.670.
It's 4 and I haven't been to the gym yet, so it feels really weird. I'm going to a spin class with a friend tonight...I'm excited about it, but scared because spin is supposedly KILLER! Depending on how I feel afterwards, I might go to the gym and do some arms. Tomorrow is back and glutes with a bodybuilder I met through IG. Should be ridiculous!
4:15
150 - 1/2c oats
100 - greek yogurt
.920.
Rode my bike 6.5 miles
Spin class at FlyWheel ... first time ever. 1000 calories burned later, WOW!
Biked 6.5 miles home.
10:00
500 - 2 cookies and a donut from Dominick's (yep, that happened)
100 - bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - tomatos & jalapeno
20 - mustard and siracha
150 - Artic Zero

100 - lime bar
.1890.

...even with that massive cheat after my spin class, I freaking earned it and think I did awesome today.

8/19 - motivated

Starting new.
I'm forgiving myself today. Forgiving the screw ups and failures. Moving forward and living out loud.
I am trying to drink a gallon of water again today to help cleanse myself. I'm eating clean and staying on track. I am treating myself well and focusing on my goals. I will study, clean, smile and laugh today...I will call my loved ones. It's Monday. Get motivated!

350 - protein pancakes
100- apple

Went and got a mani/pedi...worst of my life! Haha seriously looks no better than if I did it myself.
Not doing so well with water so far today...

3:00
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes

Bike to gym
30 minute elliptical. 10 min bike intervals. Abs.
Bike home

5:15
50 - 1/2 bag broccoli slaw
80 - 1/4 avocado
20 - grape tomatoes
60 - butter lettuce
50 - chia seeds
20 - mustard + jalapeño + vinegar

20 - 2/3c almond milk (put in my coffee)

7:30
100 - lime bar
.1000.
8:30
100 - turkey sausage
300 - 2 sweet potatoes
50 - lots of siracha

60 - half grapefruit
.1550ish

Didn't get water in and need to call loved ones tomorrow. Meeting with my mentor and gonna get a serious workout and some studying in!!!

8/18

8:00
100 - apple
160 - half avocado
<40 - 4 medium egg whites

10:30
100 - Greek yogurt
100- apple

Need to get out of the house today...more than just a gym visit (I think I'll run there again and walk home...I really liked that). Need some vitamin D to boost my mood.

Went to the grocery store hungry :( ate a whole box of fiber granola bars on the way home. Why did I even let myself buy those?!!?!?! Ugg.
600 - 5 fiber granola bars

Time to walk to the gym (not running because my Achilles are tight today from running 2 days in a row and not rolling).

2 mile run/walk
GYM: tall box step ups w/posterior raise &12.5s, bosu full extensions w/twist holding 5lb, bosu side steps, side step ups w/16kb kettle w/leg raise, donkey kicks, suitcases w/5lb, Russian twists 10lb
2 mile walk home (-700ish)

4:30
100 - Greek yogurt
.1200.
7:00
500 - 2 pork chops
100 - spinach + jalapeno + tomatoes + balsamic

Another walk... Nike+ totals from today said 750+ (so then my time at the gym is probably just another 200 on top of that since it was such a short visit)

150 - Artic Zero
100 - lime bar
.1950.

This week, as I won't be working, I REALLY will be put to the test. Can I control my snacking when I'm at home? Can I get out of the house enough -- gym AND run/walk/bike each day. It will be a challenge, but I have to succeed. Days when I do double workouts I'm going to allow myself 1800 calories, but on days when I only do one workout I will need to stick closer to my BMR (currently 1570) so I can keep trimming down. I'll be doing some mentoring with Lauren this week, so that should help me stay focused and get better about meal planning/prepping.

Didn't stop tonight... tummy hurts I ate way too much. What am I doing?

100 - lime bar
120 - sweet potato
55 - butter lettuce and tomato
.2225.

8/17

6am
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

Decided to say fK it and went back to bed.

9:15
25 - 3 medium egg whites
160 - half avocado
15 - chia seeds
.400.

Feeling really lethargic today. After yesterday's emotional overload plus all that working out, I'm just TIRED.
I'll get out for some vitamin D today and a gym visit this afternoon/evening. But for now, my bed is comfy and I am content right here with this book :)
1:00
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - apple

Run 2.06 miles to the gym
Lift: 40lb ez bar curls & skull crushers, 35lb over head pulls, dips, 15lb dumbbell curls & tricep extensions ...then hammer curls, 10lb delt side raises and front, 35lb oblique bends
2.19 mile walk home

4:30
100 - apple
100 - Greek yogurt bite(I can't buy those anymore...the chocolate flavors are too good)

6:00
30 - iced coffee w/almond milk (unsweetened)...got a pump of sugar free caramel, seriously? This might be my new favorite snack. SO YUM!

7:30
100 - broccoli & cabbage
50 - 1/2c spaghetti sauce
110 - turkey sausage link

Spending my night studying... reading my ISSA materials online (books should be here sometime during the week).
9:00
200 - 2x greek yogurt bites
150 - 1/2c oats
.1440.

8/16

I'm ready for whatever today throws at me!! I officially ordered my ISSA training materials last night so I should start as a trainer-in-training next month!! Gonna study all weekend (and hopefully get some sun?). But I'm heading to the gym this morning and then into work (I'll post the meeting outcome ASAP). Here's to the pursuit of HAPPINESS!

8:00
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - 1/2c oats

Bike to gym (2.2)
Gym: 10 min bike warmup, good mornings & deep ballet squats 115lbs 3x12, donkey kick machine 60lbs 3x15, butt buster machine 100lbs 2x15, body weight kicks (full&short range) and posterior leg raises.
Bike from gym to work.(2.8)
Bike home (5 miles) [bike totals probably 300-400 calories-- mapmyrun says over 600 but that's ridiculous haha]

Got let go... I knew it was coming. I couldn't get people to book events and generate revenue. I can't say I didn't try my hardest... but it wasn't enough. I failed.
Back when this blog was 100dayshapeup I stopped and back slid when I lost a job...I was a mess for a long time, but that won't happen again. I'm focused and I know what I want... I know how an employer should treat their employees and I know what I deserve. Period.
On to the next challenge!!
I filed for unemployment, but will be studying my ass off until my test at DBG so that I can get started AND have my first cert both around the same time!

WOW! I'm hungry. I need to eat... and I need to work out more today... I'll go for a run, but I need FOOD! lol
3:15
150 - 1/2c brown rice
180 - 2 turkey dogs
20 - lettuce & hot sauce
100 - apple

2.8 mile run [with some walking] on Nike+ (354 cal)...plus an extra 2 mile walk after this just to try and clear my head and get a little sun.
6:00
100 - apple
360 - POPchips ...whoa

8:00
50 - 1/2 bag slaw
160 - 1/2 avocado
200 - chicken tenderloins
50 - salsa verde & grape tomatoes
.1620.

I'm having a rough time...just feeling like a huge failure. I really hope my new focus and passion works...this needs to finally be what I'm good at and can stick with!

Swimming - [400-500 cal...no idea]
Workout totals today probably negative 1200-1500 but no idea. I really want to get a fitbit so I can keep track of heart rate and calories burned accurately throughout my days including workouts.

300 - another serving of my dinner w/o avocado
200 - dove dark chocolate
100 - greet yogurt bite

.2200.

8/15 - what a day...

Today was a mess. I mean, a complete massacre of my diet and my self esteem.

If you've been following along, or know me at all, you know that I've had major self esteem issues my entire life. Now, at 31 years of age, is the first time I've ever felt sexy in my own skin. For years I hated my muscles and I thought people were always looking at me with horrible thoughts in their heads. I thought I was a monster. This new fit lifestyle has allowed me, for the first time, to feel really good-- without needing the validation from anyone else (aka I'm single).

So...as I continue on my journey, I feel great about this new confidence. It is still paired with some nervousness and self-consciousness as one would expect (I mean, 30+ years of self doubt doesn't just END). So yeah...today:

I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. I had this overwhelming sense of dread from things not going well with work the day before. So I snoozed as long as I could and finally got up and made breakfast. 300 calories and I was on point.

I got a call from my boss confirming an email he just sent requesting a meeting tomorrow...ok, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired...

I went to the gym for a quick pump before going about my work day...positive of the day: although it was a short workout, I helped 2 girls who were lifting with form and they were SO grateful. The one said "Thanks, that made a huge difference! I want arms like yours!" Haha. Amazing.

At work, more work epic failures (out of my hands) and the day was topped off with a guy treating me like I'm some sort of call girl (this has been a trend in my life)... today was one huge smack in the face of "hey, remember, you aren't hot shit"... not that I thought I was, but days like today really bring me down.
The afternoon lead to a binge (fiber brownies and chocolate)  and I actually had fast food for lunch (forgot to prep for a long day of lots of driving and then a work event)... so, I feel like garbage. I'm scared about tomorrow, but I cannot say I haven't tried my best with this job. I am ordering my ISSA stuff tonight so I can study and become a trainer ASAP.
But anyhow...I blogged today because I didn't full out binge. I didn't let myself buy everything. I bought 2 treats and walked away. Tomorrow I will work out twice and burn 1000+ cal to make up for over doing it.

Life has a way of kicking you when you're not fully stable...but if your heart is strong, you'll find a way to get back on your feet... you have to.
NEVER GIVE UP!

8/14

Have you ever been half asleep...totally relaxed and wanting to be dreaming, but you're still aware that you're sleeping? That's what last night was...all night. I'm exhausted today because of no rem sleep :( ugggg

8:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - banana

Been getting questions a lot on IG about cravings and cheat meals...I'll make sure to take some time later to write my thoughts on these.

Morning lifting:

12:00
150 - beef jerky
200 - protein bar
110 - veggie straws

2:00
60 - kombucha

5:15
330 - unwich #12 no mayo from JJ

8:00
50 - 1/2 bag slaw
50 - 1/2c spaghetti sauce
20 - Roma tomato
20 - boiled red cabbage
100 - deli ham
.1440.

Truth is...I had 3 mini cupcakes at work and a glass of champagne. I'm really down today. I'm getting treated like junk both at work and in my personal life. I'm feeling like I have no worth. I need to spend the $ and get my certification materials so I can be a trainer...ugg...I just have NO money right now!! Anyway...I might have to go buy chocolate...or Arctic zero... or both...I need comfort and don't know anyone to get a hug from :-\

8/13/13

Well... idk why I drank last night, but I did... it's in the past... I'm over it... but at least my body flushed out what needed to get out. I feel better today (even though I did wake up with a bit of a headache).
I really need to focus on my water goals for the month. I should be drinking 2L minimum each day.

8:30
100 - apple
100 - greek yogurt
150 - 1/2 cup oats

I REALLY want to get certified as a personal trainer. Today might be the day I suck it up and spend $500 on the materials and test access...I totally don't have that $ right now, but I need to know my shiz if I want to get my dream job.
...been trudging away trying to go above and beyond for my current job today... took a lunch break to go lift (running tonight with a group)

GYM: 10 minute bike warm up, 100lb good mornings 2x10, 100lb ballet squats 2x20 (fast), 45lb dumbbell sits then squats 2x30, side leg raises, donkey kicks 15 then 30 seconds short movement, straight leg posterior lifts 15 then 30 seconds short movement.

2:45
150 - 1/2 cup brown rice
50 - 1/3 bag okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

4:00
60 - 2/3 cup natural apple sauce
150 - 1/2 cup oats

Went for a run...almost 5 miles including the walking. New Nike+ PRs for fastest 1k, fastest mile, fastest 5k... (over 600 cal)

8:00
50 - half bag slaw
50 - 1/3 bag okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

9:30
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - 1/2 cup oats
20 - almond milk
.1370.

8/12/13

So... I'm taking today as a sort of a cleanse.
After a weekend of TOO MUCH followed by a morning of seriously uncomfortable "blockage" I'm taking it easy on my digestive system today. I still don't feel like everything has passed through that needs to.

7:30a
25 - instant coffee
100 - apple

11:00
100 - apple
110 - turkey (this wasn't part of the plan today, but I couldn't find my protein powder)

2:00
100 - grapefruit

Bike ride to/from gym.
15 minute stair master
10 minute elliptical
Chest:20lb fly & dumbbell press, dumbbell bench press & overhead raises, narrow & wide 40lb straight bar chest press

5:00
70 - 2oz ham
15 - pickles

6:30
50 - okra
120 - 1/3 can of chicken

400 - wine
100 - Greek yogurt + fiber
.1200.

8/11

Last night I over did it...probably double my daily normal caloric limit. I need to learn to say no...all over again. To stay away from temptations. I know what's behind that cabinet door-- nothing that I would want to let anyone else see me eat. Why do I eat in secret? Why do I allow my naughty, dangerous addiction to have control. I want to reach my goals!! How do you beat that demon? The one who controls your actions before your brain even registers what you're doing?
Time to really look at how to break away from addiction and horrible habits. It may be time to get a sponsor again :-/

8:30
100 - apple
300 - giant spoonfuls of PB :-/

5.75 mile run/walk in my home town.

12:00
250 - Greek yogurt, blueberries, rasperies, ice
100 - broccoli w/mustards

Nervous already about the rest of the day. I'm supposed to go do all sorts of stuff with my mom, but I can't stop thinking about food. I'm scared.
300 - peanuts... and I got out of there

6:00
150 - oats w/added fiber
100 - banana

7:30
100 - slaw
100 - sweet potato

9:00
100 - Greek yogurt + fiber
.1600

Well, I have a major food baby after these naughty days, but I'm ready to be on track this week and kick my butt in the gym. My friends are ready for my calls when I'm tempted to binge and I'm so grateful I have them (even though they're far away). I'm going to look into local OA meetings and get focused so that next time I go home I am stronger than I was this time.

Shrinking

Getting fit feels great! Seeing my muscles show as I shed my layer of fat is exhilarating and keeps me motivated to keep working towards living clean, healthy and fit.

I can't help but take a moment to talk about the part that weighs heavy on the heart...ok, not that dramatic, but it's the un-fun part. As I lose weight, it is exciting because I can fit in cuter clothes... wear cuts and styles that I couldn't before. Buying new clothes is fun!!! But truth is, it's expensive. Jeans are costly... luckily I had a few size 10s still from 09...but now even those are getting to be too big in the waist! My quads are growing so instead of buying new jeans I may just have to get them taken in?? I'll have to go try on some 8Ls (29/34)...

But here is why I'm posting... my boobs. I've lost more than a cup size so far. It's really starting to get to me. I'm not a small framed person so having tiny breasts is making me super self conscious. None of my bras fit anymore! And let's face it, ladies, good bras are NOT cheap. So what should I do with the ones that are too big? EBay them? I'm at a loss here...  figuratively and literally.

Once I can increase my income I'm really going to start saving up...I honestly think breast augmentation is a must. Not huge, no worries. Just proportional to my frame.
One of my motivations is wearing cuter clothes... they are finally starting to fit, except where I'm lacking :-\

So...losing fat, gaining muscle, getting fit...all awesome!!! I just needed to share my little struggle. 

8/10

7:30
160 - half avocado
100 - Greek yogurt
150 - oats

12:30
100 - apple

Gym - 30 min elliptical, then bis & tris

2:00
100 - banana
100 - apple

Drove home to Milwaukee
4:00
400 - Salad & nuts

400 - Ma's spaghetti sauce over veggies
.1500.
....
500? Wine and snacks...uggggg
Definitely going for a run while Ma is at church in the morning!!

8/9/13

Slept in...still feeling like crap... I promised myself I'd work on finding joy every day this month, so I need to do that! I might go see my mom after work tomorrow... Saturday night with just us (step dad is out of town) could be really good for me (or bad LOL but I'm sure we won't fight).

9:00
150 - oats
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - apple

12:00
70 - 2oz turkey

15min elliptical warm up then glute workout from Women's Health...need to go back to the gym later and do some serious cardio.

450 - salad from WF

Already drank a gallon of water.
6:30
100 - popchips
.970.
Was pretty good about staying away from the snacks during the group event!!

9:00
-800 cal cardio session at the gym

...cheated the fK out of tonight. Didn't mean to, but just kind of spiraled because I desperately need to grocery shop and was STARVING (as in almost nauseating hunger pains as I left the gym).

10:30
McChicken no mayo & half bun (gross!) - 300
Dt Coke
Mini Donuts - 250
Pudding - 120
Oats - 150
Almond milk - 30
Added a ton of fiber to the oats though...should help flush the cheat through my system. Mad at myself for not being prepared. Might be heading home tomorrow after work...but tbd-- idk if I can deal with that temptation right now...defenses are pretty weak. But looking at my cheat I didn't do TOO much damage. Gotta be strong tomorrow. I've come way too far to let myself sabotage this!!
About 1800

8/8/13

This morning I woke up early, made coffee and sat at my kitchen table, in a daze, for a solid 20 minutes. I have so much going on inside my head that keeps spinning like a tornado so I cannot seem to grab hold of one thing at a time to deal with it and move forward. I have a lunch time call with my mom that might help...I need to settle things so I can confidently move forward and make my next chapter a good one :)

8:00
25 - coffee (2 cups...instant, has calories)
160 - 1/2 avocado
90 - 1 medium egg + 3 whites
20 - tomato (wasn't ripe. Ick)
100 - apple

12:30
150 - 1/2c oats
180 - 1/2 can pineapple

Rode my bike to the gym... didn't go very hard there, I couldn't get into it. Seriously, my mind is all over the place. 15min elliptical "random", bunch of abs (bosu full extension w/10lbs, 5lb suitcases, flutter kicks, scissor kicks, heel touches, side planks, bosu froggers w/twist... then lat pull downs 90lbs wide/narrow/reverse grip 3x6-8, seated rows 80lbs 3x8, TRX hanging rows...and biked home. I'll go for a run later. My mind is beyond restless!

4:00
40 - 3 cups 3 color slaw
90 - turkey dog
10 - mustard & jalapenos

5:30
70 - 2oz turkey
180 - finished pineapple

Run 2.6 miles ... walk .5
8:00
100 - apple

Bike to/from grocery store... got locked out of my apartment and waited around forever. Had the biggest fiasco with a locksmith (turned out to be a good guy working for a bunch of crooks). STARVING
11:00
100 - apple
100 - greek yogurt
240 - pudding (yeah... all that stress I wanted every ounce of chocolate I could consume)
150 - 1/2 cup oats
.1805.

8/7/13

8:30
100 - apple
100 - 1 medium egg & 3 whites
160 - half avocado

11:45
100 - apple

So... I'm not becoming a trainer just yet. I have studying to do. I was completely humbled by this written test I was given today that was full of terms I've heard but couldn't define just off the top of my head. Time to get GURU'd and study some certification materials so that I can go back in next month and breeze through that test.

Gym:
10 minute bike warm up
set up 35/40/45 lb dumbell... did 30x touch pump, 30x squat w/weight, 30x squat w/o weight on each one... 35-40-45-40-35. Holy leg and butt burn. Thanks to Nate for the idea!!
Then 2x10 (each leg) 2ft step up with posterior leg raise & 12.5lb dumbells
2x10 (each leg) side step up with leg raise and one 12.5 dumbell
2 x 20 alternating lunges to Bosu with 12.5 dumbells
I wanted to finish out with some TRX but they were occupied with some personal training... so I did seated leg press 3 sets (6/6/8) at 230... planning to try a run later tonight to get in some cardio for the day...for now, my legs are jello.

2:15
60 - 3/5 bag of three color slaw
160 - half avocado
20 - roma tomato
70 - 2oz turkey deli meat

5:00
100 - apple

Bike 3.75 miles
swim 200m fs, 600m br, 600m kick
bike 3.75 home... seriously, my legs are toast.

9:00
200 - 2 Greek yogurts
300 - 1 cup oats
30 - 1 cup almond milk

10:00
100 - grapefruit
150 - oats w/fiber ;)

.1650.
Perfect.

8/6/13

8:30
160 - half avocado
90 - medium egg + 3 whites
20 - Roma tomato
100 - 3 small kiwi

Coffee - then off to lift (driving to the gym so I can head to the burbs and work for a bit after...I'll bike to the run club this evening)

Gym: lifting...lots of it haha (not in this order) Chest press machine, fly machine, arm extension, bicep curl, skull crushers, dips, ez curls, dumbbell fly, side & front shoulder raises, dumbbell chest press, bent over row...yeah, all sorts of upper body. Run club tonight.

12:00
200 - nature valley protein bar
100 - veggie straws

5:00
100 - greek yogurt
120 - sugar free pudding
100 - apple

Bike 9.6 miles each way
3 mile run w/Scout Run Club
Bike home... holy burned calories!!

8:40
80 - 4oz Pollock
150 - 1/2 cup brown rice
20 - cabbage, jalapeno and hot sauce
80 - 2oz turkey

9:45
100- greek yogurt
120 - pudding
150 - oats
(ok... mixed together cherry yogurt, dark chocolate pudding and oats... holy mother trucking WOW! NOM NOM NOM :-D )

I'm not even upset about going over today... I might even eat more. I burned close to 2000 calories between the gym this morning, biking and running...my body needs the fuel :)
100 - greek yogurt
150 - oats ...yeah #fatkidstatus ... but MAN I feel amazing.
.2040.

8/5/13

Big day today...hopefully I'll have some sweet news to report later...TBD

9:00
330 - protein pancakes!!!
50 - kiwi & blueberries

1:30
350 - salad (kale, beats, crab, cabbage, beans, peas, vinegar, amino)

Today went great. No official announcement to make just yet...but the news will be great when I can share :)

Gym - 10 minute bike warm up, LEGS: back squats, lunges, side leg raises, bosu lunges, bosu burpees, dead lifts, bosu squats, hamstring curl, leg press

6:30
300 - guacamole
120 - veggies (kale, cabbage, zucchini)

Biked to/from grocery store
140 - york peppermint patty

150 - Artic Zero
1440

extra activity aka unplanned exercise

So...we've all heard "it's the little things" in so many different contexts.
But I'm here to talk about how this has to do with weight loss. One of the many things I learned from Beck's book is that every day you need to make an effort to add in "unplanned exercise"... now, what the heck does that mean??

You know how you like to muscle it out and carry all the groceries inside in one trip? Well, you'd burn more calories if you took a few trips. So... do that!
Need something from the corner store or gas station that's only a few blocks away? Don't jump in your car-- walk or hop on your bike.

Since moving to the big city I've started biking... a lot. Honestly, I started biking for MANY reasons, yet weight loss wasn't one of them, initially. Parking in Chicago is a pain in the butt (either impossible to find or costs more than I make an hourly) and gas in the city is about 40 cents more than it is elsewhere. Additionally, the time it takes for me to drive through the city from my apartment to my store near downtown is actually the same (or sometimes longer) than it takes for me to bike.
So... me and my single speed go everywhere in this city. Work, gym, convenience store, friends' houses, brunch... wherever.
THIS ADDS UP!!
I started using MapMyRun (has biking settings) to track some of my rides just to see what the calculated calories I burn are and I was astounded. This ap is amazing (I'm still sad that Nike+ doesn't have bike settings yet). And I realized, my "unplanned exercise" every day is REALLY adding up.

A big reason this adds up so much is because you're not recording these calories. I know a lot of dieters on various plans record all your workouts and then get to eat more that day because you have NET calorie goals and so forth... but that's the beauty of EXTRA activity. You're burning more...but it's not part of your recorded workout, so you see where this is going ;-)

Eat clean, drink water, work out... and start adding some extra activity to your day. The little things will add up and make a difference., I promise.

Reference: BECK

8/4/13 -cheat day

8:00
100 - Greek yogurt
100 - raw oats (about 2/3 of my usual 1/2 cup scoop)
100 - banana
40 - small kiwi w/skin

Yoga for runners class.

11:45
100 - 49¢ cone from McD (didn't eat top half of the cone...ice cream is clearly less than their normal serving size)

Feeling tired, yet anxious today... very strange feeling. Need to plan what I'm going to eat and then get out of the house. I'll probably run today.

5.1 mile run/walk... (-684)

3:00pm
500 - Turkey dogs, kale, cabbage and guacamole :)

Walked to the beach to read for  while...got kinda chilly out, but the fresh air felt really nice.
Really having a hard time lately. My financial & professional uncertainty is making my anxiety rage and I'm feeling incredibly low.

500 - high fiber brownies :(

100 - broccoli & cabbage
50 - 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce
.1590.
150 - brown rice
50 - chia seeds
90 - Turkey dog

360 - can of pineapple
.2240...:(((((
RIDICULOUS cheat day... way too many cravings and totally gave in. Big day tomorrow and anxiety is flaring!!! Hopefully I can sleep and look good tomorrow. I want this SO badly. I'm ready to change my life (and others').

8/3

So...last night I def had a bit of a cheat. After all that activity yesterday I am ok with it. I had a few glasses of wine and then had a grapefruit and some brown rice w/beans. I might be the world's weirdest person when it comes to late night cheat meals, but I guess my thought is: if I'm going to go over my daily calories, I should TRY to do it with foods that will fuel my body (though...come on...some days I just want candy LOL)...plus, I don't keep junk in the house for exactly that reason.

Kinda feeling that wine though. Not fun.

10:30
100 - apple

12:00
70- slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - tomato
15 - mustard, lime, hot sauce

...was still wanting something more so I had
75 - small sweet potato (maybe about 2/3 cup)
70 - 1 medium egg sunny side up w/hot sauce

Trying to hydrate and get my water goal today... gonna get out of the house so I avoid snacking.

Woops. So I was out running errands and got hungry. I was at Aldi and they had Special K pastry crisps for cheap, dark chocolate during pms? Hello. But I ate the whole box. Wish I had gotten myself water and a protein bar at Target instead.
500 - pastry crisps

Biked to/from gym (2.2 each way)
20 minutes on stair master fat burn level 10
Core blast!!! I did about 40 minutes of core work and it was awesome :) check out #ActiveAugust on IG to see what people love doing for abs!

8:15
150 - bag of okra
50 - 1/2 cup spaghetti sauce
100 - can of tuna

9:30
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - Greek yogurt
.1560.

***if you're new things my blog, welcome! I update throughout the day as I eat & work out :)

8/2/13

Slept like crap again...feeling super tired.
8:00
100 - apple
25 - coffee

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
50 - 1/2 serving protein isolate

Biked to the doctor's office to snag my prescriptions and then to the gym for a quick shoulder day. (10.6 mile bike and then stair climb warm up and 40 minutes lifting...then 2 mile bike home)

2:30
100 - slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - Roma tomatoes
30 - 3 medium egg whites
10 - mustard, vinegar and spices

5:30
100 - apple
100 - Greek yogurt
50 - oats & cinnamon

7:00
100 - banana

Going to the gym, again. One that is farther away so I can steam after and maybe hit the hot tub
(15 min stair stepper and 35 min HIIT circuits)...then biked home.

10:00
60 - slaw
160 - half avocado
25 - tomato
15 - mustard, hot sauce, juice feom half a lime

330 - pop chips (I earned the treat with all the working out today!!)
.1590.

8/1 #ActiveAugust

My friend Sam and I put together #ActiveAugust on Instagram. It's a fun fitness challenge for the month...a way to share what you're doing each day and get creative. Check it out!!
My goals for the month: get visible abs (this morning, I could KINDA see 2 of them peeking out) and work on my mental health--smile more and find joy every day. Staying active and taking care of myself are so important to my self esteem and overall mood. I want to be happy being me.

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
100 - greek yogurt
100 - apple

10:30
25 - instant coffee

...heading to the gym and then a LONG work day ahead of me...

350 - unwitch

250 - beef & broccoli bowl w/steamed veggies

...turned into a major cheat day. I probably ate a pound of trail mix at my event. SO bad to be near the food (again).
Gotta kick my ass tomorrow. Run + gym.

.2000.+ today :(

7/31/13 - end of the month...goals?

Well, I didn't REALLY break 170 as I'd hoped (just saw 169.9 when I think my scale wasn't zeroing correctly as it was on uneven ground)... I did run a mile without walking... and I did a bunch of planking :) I'm feeling pretty good about July. Gonna get REALLY focused and push myself harder at the gym for August. I feel comfortable with my eating, but I need to make sure I'm really burning calories effectively when I go to the gym and maximizing my time at the gym.

9:00
150 - 1/2 cup oats
30 - unsweetened almond milk & cinnamon
100 - apple

1:00
120 - sweet potato
120 - can of solid white albacore tuna
10 - siracha

Gym: about 40 minutes of cardio and then 2 glute circuits. Fun stuff.

6:00
160 - 1/2 avocado
170 - 2 whole large eggs & 2 whites
25 - Roma tomato
.885.
... ok so I went into cheat mode
130 - beef jerky
220 - m&ms
220 - dove chocolate

150 - a lovely Spanish red wine :)

...then right before bed
25 - roma tomato
90 - lunch meat
.1720. ~~ not bad at all for that mini binge episode in there. Eep!