8/15 - what a day...

Today was a mess. I mean, a complete massacre of my diet and my self esteem.

If you've been following along, or know me at all, you know that I've had major self esteem issues my entire life. Now, at 31 years of age, is the first time I've ever felt sexy in my own skin. For years I hated my muscles and I thought people were always looking at me with horrible thoughts in their heads. I thought I was a monster. This new fit lifestyle has allowed me, for the first time, to feel really good-- without needing the validation from anyone else (aka I'm single).

So...as I continue on my journey, I feel great about this new confidence. It is still paired with some nervousness and self-consciousness as one would expect (I mean, 30+ years of self doubt doesn't just END). So yeah...today:

I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. I had this overwhelming sense of dread from things not going well with work the day before. So I snoozed as long as I could and finally got up and made breakfast. 300 calories and I was on point.

I got a call from my boss confirming an email he just sent requesting a meeting tomorrow...ok, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired...

I went to the gym for a quick pump before going about my work day...positive of the day: although it was a short workout, I helped 2 girls who were lifting with form and they were SO grateful. The one said "Thanks, that made a huge difference! I want arms like yours!" Haha. Amazing.

At work, more work epic failures (out of my hands) and the day was topped off with a guy treating me like I'm some sort of call girl (this has been a trend in my life)... today was one huge smack in the face of "hey, remember, you aren't hot shit"... not that I thought I was, but days like today really bring me down.
The afternoon lead to a binge (fiber brownies and chocolate)  and I actually had fast food for lunch (forgot to prep for a long day of lots of driving and then a work event)... so, I feel like garbage. I'm scared about tomorrow, but I cannot say I haven't tried my best with this job. I am ordering my ISSA stuff tonight so I can study and become a trainer ASAP.
But anyhow...I blogged today because I didn't full out binge. I didn't let myself buy everything. I bought 2 treats and walked away. Tomorrow I will work out twice and burn 1000+ cal to make up for over doing it.

Life has a way of kicking you when you're not fully stable...but if your heart is strong, you'll find a way to get back on your feet... you have to.
NEVER GIVE UP!