struggling

Well, I missed a day (two including today) of tracking my food and thoughts... traveling threw me off and, well, I gave into my struggle.

Compulsive Over Eating. It's like being addicted to any drug, seriously, but I can't give up food. Trigger foods are what an individual with COE identifies as foods that when consumed, lead to binging. Trigger foods cause overwhelming levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, creating  obsessive-like ruminating thoughts. I've always loved food, but COE is more than a love, it's an obsession. For me, it's white foods. Flour (breads and pasta), sugar (this is the most common), potatoes, and dairy. Unless I'm feeling really strong and secure in my control of my thoughts and actions, having a little of any of these foods makes me crave A LOT and I often can't help myself. I over do it. It may sound really weird, and I don't expect anyone to really understand. But it really is an addiction. Just as an alcoholic can't have a little bit of wine without sending themselves into a downward spiral, I am with sugar...and bread. But unlike an alcoholic or a drug addict, I can't quit food cold turkey. I have to learn to cut out my trigger foods again until I am strong enough to lightly incorporate them into my diet (to allow me to feel some normalcy when eating with other people).

So, on vacation I didn't meal prep ahead of time. BIG MISTAKE. I let myself drink and not keep track of what I was consuming.

But I'm home now. VERY unmotivated today because I've been fighting off a UTI since last night. So that's not helping me get to the gym... but I will make it there before the night is through. I have to do something active. I will AT LEAST go for a long walk (though my heel has been hurting since Wednesday...so I'm a bit nervous about too much activity and think elliptical for my cardio today is probably my best bet).

I did some shopping today and I'm stocked with clean foods. I've made a promise with a friend of mine... we're starting tomorrow: one week without our addictions. For me: no sweets, for him: no dip. I can do this. I have it within me to be strong.

Evening update: I went to the gym, but my UTI spoke up and I was forced to go to Urgent Care. The doctor at least made me laugh and she said with my test levels that I must have Wonder Woman's pain tolerance. HAHA... so anyway, my workout was only 30 minutes, but I got antibiotics and that should clear up quickly so that I can focus and kick my ass this week.