insomnia + pms = grrr

Well, tonight, as it happens at least once a week... I cannot sleep.
To make things worse, I'm PMSing so my cravings have been through the roof! If that's TMI for anyone, then you probably shouldn't read my blog. Anyhow, I'm up and after my splurge last night with junk I have been really down on myself. I have BIG goals for July and I'm failing so far. To make things worse, I am failing big time on the day I decide to go public with my journey and shared my link on facebook. Fuuuuuuuu!

I've been overwhelmed with the encouraging messages of congrats on my progress and the notes from friends, former classmates and followers letting me know that I have inspired them. I am SO touched and really, that motivates me. I'm just having a rough one. After the emo BS that went down Sunday, and my hormones being all over the place... I just want to be able to relax and focus.

I will track the oats I've eaten on Tuesday's food log. I plan to TRY to get some sleep and then really kicking my butt at the gym. Like, no slacking, I need to pretend a trainer is in my face and do the exercises I never do on my own, but know I should. The ones that are HARD and I struggle with... the ones that I feel for days after... the ones that work. My goal is to do 2 of the NTC HIIT workouts while at the gym. I might die HAHA but I need to work off being bad.

I've been hovering around the same weight for weeks now because of cheating and lack of focus. IT'S CRUNCH TIME!!! July goals are still attainable. I HAVE TO DO THIS! I know I'm always a little heavier "this week" so we'll see next week for weigh-in Wednesday, but seriously, I need to flush out the bad and rev up my furnace...get this body moving!


P.S.
Sleep is SO important in weight loss. I'll do a whole blog post about that... but for now, I need to try again.

7/1/13 (July Goals)

It's a new month! Pretty stoked for summer :) Hopefully the rain will stop ruining my fun and it will stay beautiful out for the whole month... ah, wishful ;)

GOALS FOR JULY:
Planking - 5 minute front plank and 3 minutes on each side (current PRs are 2:22 front and 1:01 side)
[check out slambooyfitness.com for the challenge details and follow on Instagram]
Running - run 2 miles without walking [I can do with when I'm with a group, but solo I haven't done a mile yet...hoping my achilles cooperates]
Weight - I would like to get down to 170... I've been up closer to 180 the past few days, but since mid last month I hit 175 I am confident that if I stay focused on my food and drink enough water, I can do this!

So... my kidney infection is still hurting today. If it still hurts by this evening I'll go back to Urgent Care and find out what's going on. This is not fun.
Enough about icky stuff.

9:00a
100 - red delicious apple

10:30a
180 - proats

My heel is still sore, so I'm still waiting on running again... I don't want to risk re-injuring my achilles! But I can go for walks and hit the gym. My body aches and discomfort make these difficult, but I have to tough through. We'll see what the day brings. LOTS of work to do (plus searching for a 2nd job) today...

2:00p
360 - chicken
70 - peas
I needed a caloric meal in there today... definitely going to the gym later and likely for a walk... feeling good about where I am calorie wise so far for the day.

5:00p
Feeling anxious... wish I could just go RUN but my stupid Achilles :( grrrrr endless frustration.
I'm also obsessively thinking about guacamole. I need to eat something to make the cravings go away so I can effectively go shopping and get myself to the gym today.

Went for a 3.1 mile walk, 40 minutes. [- 400 calories]

8:30p
780 - Subway footlong veggie patty sandwich (honey oat, ALL veggies [no onion, no pickle], mustard & vinegar)
holy crap I was starving... scarfed that.

Was pretty torn about getting bread or anything for dinner, but I was SO low for my daily calories and I needed to go grocery shopping [NEVER GO SHOPPING WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY] so I went back and forth with my pseudo-sponsor and decided it was ok. Just making sure my cravings stay under control tonight and tomorrow!

9:30p
180 - pudding :)

struggling

Well, I missed a day (two including today) of tracking my food and thoughts... traveling threw me off and, well, I gave into my struggle.

Compulsive Over Eating. It's like being addicted to any drug, seriously, but I can't give up food. Trigger foods are what an individual with COE identifies as foods that when consumed, lead to binging. Trigger foods cause overwhelming levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, creating  obsessive-like ruminating thoughts. I've always loved food, but COE is more than a love, it's an obsession. For me, it's white foods. Flour (breads and pasta), sugar (this is the most common), potatoes, and dairy. Unless I'm feeling really strong and secure in my control of my thoughts and actions, having a little of any of these foods makes me crave A LOT and I often can't help myself. I over do it. It may sound really weird, and I don't expect anyone to really understand. But it really is an addiction. Just as an alcoholic can't have a little bit of wine without sending themselves into a downward spiral, I am with sugar...and bread. But unlike an alcoholic or a drug addict, I can't quit food cold turkey. I have to learn to cut out my trigger foods again until I am strong enough to lightly incorporate them into my diet (to allow me to feel some normalcy when eating with other people).

So, on vacation I didn't meal prep ahead of time. BIG MISTAKE. I let myself drink and not keep track of what I was consuming.

But I'm home now. VERY unmotivated today because I've been fighting off a UTI since last night. So that's not helping me get to the gym... but I will make it there before the night is through. I have to do something active. I will AT LEAST go for a long walk (though my heel has been hurting since Wednesday...so I'm a bit nervous about too much activity and think elliptical for my cardio today is probably my best bet).

I did some shopping today and I'm stocked with clean foods. I've made a promise with a friend of mine... we're starting tomorrow: one week without our addictions. For me: no sweets, for him: no dip. I can do this. I have it within me to be strong.

Evening update: I went to the gym, but my UTI spoke up and I was forced to go to Urgent Care. The doctor at least made me laugh and she said with my test levels that I must have Wonder Woman's pain tolerance. HAHA... so anyway, my workout was only 30 minutes, but I got antibiotics and that should clear up quickly so that I can focus and kick my ass this week.

63

Was going to go snowboarding today, but Dick Bass (who I affectionately call Cock Trout) decided that Snowbird should be CLOSED today!!! MOTHER TRUCKER!!!

TODAY.
1 Tortilla
3 slices deli turkey
-
1 rockstar recovery
1 coffee
-
2 light string cheese (11)
2 cups carrots
1/2 cup dressing
-
1/2 cup AllBran (1p)
1 cup natural apple sauce
-
1 can chuck light tuna (4p)
1/2 cup frozen pees
2 Tbs fat free miracle whip
-
2 light string cheese (5p)
-
1 can progresso light soup (6:00)
-
2 packages no sugar oatmeal (8:oo)
-
GEEZE I ate a lot, seems like it, today... I might have more oatmeal later or maybe 100 calorie pack of popcorn. It being "that time" does make me hungry... but I need to drink more water!!!!
-
1 weightwatchers yogurt
1/2 cup blackberries
2 tortillas w/spray butter, splenda and cinnamon


FUCK I ate so much today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too many snacks. I gotta figure out how to cure my sugar cravings when I'm menstrual because this is ridiculous.

77

I couldn't fall asleep last night... around 3am my stomach was growling like CRAZY so I decided to get up. I drank a big glass of water but decided I wanted to eat something... so, being the very random-type craving person I am I had:
-another salsa/black bean/spinach/zero point tortilla wrap
-tortilla & 1 tsp PB

I know I'm not working out tonight, but I will be mountain biking tomorrow and sunday (and probably some hiking) so I'm going to pack my food for the weekend carefully and do my best to really be good so that next week's weigh-in shows progress.

Then when I woke up this morning, again I felt EXTREMELY hungry.
3 tortillas
3 tsp PB
1 medium apple
-
I really want to drink a LOT of water today, so my goal is 2 litres while at work. I need to buy more crystal light or the like because it really helps me down water faster....otherwise I'm slow and slack on my water intake.
-
1 litre water
-
1 red plum
-
SmartOne meal (2pts)
-
There have been BOXES of donuts in the break room all flippin day. WHY can't the perks committee ever offer healthy snacks?! Seriously, it's almost painful how badly the smell of that fried dough makes me want to stuff my face...NOT the easiest environment for a recovering o.e. I have don't really well at resisting so far today (one more hour at work to go), but dang... I'm craving sugar!!
-
1 flatOut tortilla
1/3 chicken breast, plain
spinach
1 packet tacotime hot sauce
-
1 bowl fiberPlus cereal
1/2 cup almond milk, unsweetened
1 packet splenda
-
I'll probably have a beer or two tonight

I'm going to be away from my comptuer for a few days but I will be recording the things I eat and posting my food/activity logs when I have internet again!