Hormones

If you’re not familiar with what started a few years ago, please read Sick & Tired to gather some background information.

Through that debacle, we learned that I had no progesterone and very low estrogen (which meant I was still estrogen dominant). I was put on the Depo shot because that was deemed the best course of action. My uterine biopsy showed no cancer, so I went forward with my life assuming the shot would solve all my issues and that I wouldn’t need to worry about anything anymore. For almost two years, everything seemed to be ok! 

Late last fall, as I was prepping for NAS Nationals, I got my period and it didn’t stop... I bled for almost 3 weeks! I called the OBGYN and was fortunate enough to schedule a phone consultation where we talked about options. She and I both wondered if the shot was to blame because my hormone levels were obviously fluctuating [assumed without blood tests] around the time when I’d need my "next shot" and decided that a hormone IUD would be a good option. The IUD has a lower dose of progesterone, but is directly in the uterus and releases consistently. So, right after Nationals, I had one put in. 

A few weeks later, I started my new Strength program and I felt weak. I had no clue why. I started to break out with painful, cycstic acne and, again, I had no idea why. It seemed my depression was on overload and I couldn’t get a break. I was snapping at everyone and my world was getting darker and darker... My psychiatrist had me try a new medication, but I quickly stopped that as I knew there was something we weren’t seeing. 

Why didn’t my OB have me get a blood test? Why didn’t my Psychiatrist ask about my birth control? Why am I getting acne at 35? Why have I been depressed since I started puberty?

I decided to do some research on my own. I needed answers. I purchased The Women's Book and started to read. McDonald has gathered TONS of research and compiled it in one place. I realized that this IUD was likely the cause of my acne & I found the recommended BC for a strength athlete was a gen3 pill w a specific combination of hormones... so I immediately made an appointment with the OB and had the IUD taken out and was prescribed the pill I requested. 

My skin cleared, my strength seems to be back... I’m a little less crazy... but I’m still dealing with quite a number of physiological issues that I am certain are due to my hormonal imbalance. Hopefully the new Functional Medicine practitioner will have answers for me next week!! Stay tuned.

Post-competition Blues

I stopped updating this blog a few years ago... I never really had the audience and it just took a backseat to the quick posts I could get out via Instagram. 

Recently, I was encouraged to get more content out there. While I’m working on starting my YouTube channel, I figured getting some blogs written would be a great place to start.

I’ve been competing in Strongman for almost a year now and I’ve noticed that after each competition, no matter how I perform, I seem to get the blues. I am lethargic and my depression really seems more prominent than it "usually" is. I was doing some research and I found a few studies of high level athletes (Olympian) who reported similar feelings. When you have an intense high and the adrenaline + dopamine overload of a competition, returning to "normal" neurotransmitter levels can feel like depression; moreover, for somebody who already battles depression, that contrast can feel even more extreme!

So how do we overcome this? Many athletes seem to distract themselves with the next competition on the calendar. While I don’t consider this to be unhealthy, I’m curious what other coping strategies people use!

It may sound weird, but I find tanning can help. If the weather outside doesn’t allow for me to soak up some Vitamin D (boosts serotonin), then I will use a low-level tanning bed to help get those feel-good chemicals going in my brain. Additionally, I get a massage, my nails done... maybe a facial #teatYOself 😁 A little extra self-care goes a long way in pulling me out of the funk. Then setting up my plan for what’s next... always having new goals to set and chase--that’s my game plan!

If you have a post-competition routine, I’d love to hear about it! Comment below.

Reference: Florio, J. "The Dark Side of Going for Gold." TheAtlantic.com . 18 Aug. 2016.

Sick and Tired

If you are grossed out by "female stuff" I suggest you stop reading.

A little background.
When I got serious about lifting in November 2013, I went off all birth control...the pill I had been on made my monthly visitor nonexistent (normal as it had always been light before)... but I never got my period once I went off it. I asked my doctor and she said it wasn't uncommon in athletes as lean as I was. She suggested that I allow myself to gain some body fat after my April show. By June my cycle seemed to be back, and regular.
But that summer I didn't feel like myself. I can't exactly describe what it was...I just felt off. I tried to move forward.
Early in the new year a new problem arose. When my period came the first week in January, it never stopped. I went to the doctor in February and they said it was probably just stress.
I hired a contest coach soon after that who, hearing about my issue, suggested I take a supplement to metabolize estrogen.
Now... ladies... don't ever take something because your coach assumes something. He thought I was bleeding and moody from having too much estrogen...but he's not a doctor. I started taking DIM and the bleeding transitioned to more like spotting. But I was feeling REALLY off. I decided to stop taking it...
On March 19, 2015 I had just made a $200 deposit on my custom competition suit when I started to feel nauseous. I could feel the bleeding was getting heavy. In the car back to the city I was screaming in pain as my body cramped and gushed clots and blood.
I was rushed to the hospital. After 6 hours, 4 pelvic exams, an ultrasound and 3 blood panels, the doctor gave me some information.
I was not pregnant. But my body was going through a miscarriage...the only way it knew to reject massive amounts of tissue that had built up over several previous months. The DIM had made it worse...because I didn't have high estrogen. I actually had dangerously low estrogen & progesterone and naturally high testosterone. The test booster recommended by my first coach was actually making what little estrogen I had metabolize and my body freaked out without it.
Now, a little info. Most women who have participated in contact sports have higher test, so that's not uncommon.

I even got my uterus biopsied a week later.
The issue was... my body wasn't producing enough female hormones naturally... but they don't know why. Still.

Over the past few months I've gotten shots of progesterone and my system seems to be functioning properly... yet I'm not quite back to where I want to be. They can't tell me WHY. They can't tell me if I'll need these shots forever... and they have told me to avoid any extreme dieting.

I'm also fighting off extreme Adrenal Fatigue (I took myself off Adderall this year...after 20 years). My CNS is shot. I am trying hard to get my Vitamin D levels up as those were found to be extremely deficient. I no longer use preworkout or any fat burners.
I am always extremely tired. If I didn't have to get up to train clients,  I could easily stay in bed for days. My body hurts. My workouts have been almost nonexistent because of pain and stiffness most days. I still don't feel like myself.

I plan on meeting with a Naturopath when I get back from vacation... I look forward to getting my groove back!

So...will I ever compete again? I'd like to, some day. But I have no idea if/when my body will allow that. We shall see. I'm on a mission to get healthy. To find my sexy and be happy even if I don't have a visible six pack.

PRIDE

PRIDE: parades in cities across the map to celebrate diversity. A day set aside where none need be afraid to be who they are. Nobody should feel ashamed, but instead, proud of what makes them unique. Individuals, cliques and communities all unite because we are different…but we speak the universal language of love.
I have attended PRIDE parades since I was 14 years old (1996). As an adolescent I was a member of PFLAG and carried a sign that said “My dad’s gay, and that’s ok.” I wore shirts that said “I’m straight, not narrow [minded]” and participated in school discussion panels advocating tolerance and blind, unconditional love… and opening the eyes of young people who picked lines from Leviticus, but ignored others.
I’ve attended PRIDE in many major cities. This year was my third here in Chicago.
Midday Sunday, I walked over to the corner of Belmont & Halsted to watch the parade. My heart smiled as the air buzzed with joy. The recent Supreme Court ruling made this year’s parade feel even more electric because LOVE WINS!!
While I danced along to the house beats a group of young people got my attention and asked for a photo. I found this odd, but I do get a lot of random attention in public so I thought maybe they just wanted me to flex. I asked why they wanted a photo and a young man said “you’re way better looking that the queens on that float.” My heart sank. “I was born a woman” was all I could say… the group made faces of confusion and shock. I walked home… I was over the crowd anyhow.

That evening, I got dressed and ready for church. I had on Nike leggings, a casual tank and some heels…As I walked out onto the street to meet my ride, a group of girls pointed and said “he looks good get a picture with him.” I tried to ignore that, but then a nearby 20something grabbed my arm saying “you look so good! Who did your work?” My eyes filled with tears. “I’m a girl” was all I could get out as I shuffled through the crowd toward the corner where my driver was waiting. One more group hollered before I made it to the corner… as I closed the car door tears poured down my cheeks.

A little background to help you all understand who I am and why this stings SO much:
I am a 33 year old, heterosexual, tall, strong woman. I’ve been an athlete my entire life. From early childhood, I was made fun of and called a boy. Two years ago I started bodybuilding. I learned to be confident because STRONG IS SEXY. I am 100% natural. I have never touched a PED nor steroid of any sort and never will… I have been accused of using by ignorant people since I was a teenager.
I get stared at a lot. On a daily basis, people ask me if I compete, do crossfit, play a sport…they ask me to flex or if they can touch my calves… yes, it can be weird. For most of my life I thought when people stared it was because I was a freak… but I’ve learned to take it as a compliment.

Yesterday, I felt like a freak. People wanted photos with me just like they do with crazies so they can post on social media and boast. On a day that was created to make sure NOBODY feels ashamed, I felt horrible. I am different. I stand out. Most days, people stare or just ask me questions about what I do… but on this day, when the crowd was scattered with transgender and cross-dressed individuals, the questions asked of me were invasive and comments were made that I feel were inappropriate.

I feel like my experience Sunday can spark MANY different conversations. So here are some starters:
Who did your work? When did you transition?
Isn’t that like asking a heavy woman when she’s due?
What topics can you ask a stranger about?
What topics are only ok to discuss when initiated by the individual?

When are we talking about something that’s personal too freely?
With Caitlyn Jenner being all over the headlines, do people think this means that sensitive topics are fair game?
What can you safely ask a stranger?

Where is the distinction between questions asked to educate and eradicate ignorance and those that are inappropriate and invasive?

Are we giving Mass Media too much power when it comes to the development of our youth’s moral codes? Do parents want their children learning about certain subjects because the media bombarded them...or should certain topics be reserved for private conversation?

I’m all about equality and recognition… but when recognition becomes a spotlight, doesn’t that defeat the idea of acceptance? Is recognition a label? Don’t labels separate us?

I am unique. I am not a freak. I am not a prop to get you more likes on Instagram.

Why do people think a woman with muscle is either on steroids or formerly a man?
The world is plagued by ignorance.

Is it OK to stare at somebody who looks different?
Is staring at me any different than staring at an amputee?

This could go so many different directions…but I needed to share my story. This is a conversation that needs to be shared. I’m a strong woman. I can take a lot, but the ignorance of the mob got to me. A day dedicated to feeling PROUD-- no matter your race, gender, color, creed, sexual orientation… I felt shamed.

The Struggle

The struggle is real.
We often see memes about this on social media, but when I say it, I am not talking about the struggle to find motivation to workout nor to say no to tempting foods (we all know struggle would be an understatement for me there)... what I mean is the struggle of being me.

My whole life I have battled poor self esteem and lack of confidence. I was born with the genetics that, paired with my athletic involvement, developed into a very muscular physique. As an adolescent and young adult I struggled to feel good about my muscles. I feared lifting weights. I was, like so many others, under the impression that lifting weights would make me bigger than I already was -- and THAT would be horrible. I interpreted messages from the world negatively. I was so self-consious about my legs that other than during sports you wouldn't have ever caught me in shorts (or a skirt). I did everything in my power to hide my body.

When I graduated from undergrad, I had experienced 2 major injuries within the last year... the recovery process from those lead to a disconnect with the athlete that is part of my identity. My weight yoyo'd (as I've talked about in other posts) and I battled severe depression as I couldn't find where I fit. I moved around the country, worked all sorts of jobs, went to grad school, changed my mind... I was the epitome of indecision. I looked in the mirror and didn't know who that girl was-- all I knew was that I didn't really like her.

Since this particular post isn't a chronicle of my journey, we'll fast forward to the past year of my life.

I met my mentor in April 2013 and started lifting weights regularly. I found inspiration through Instagram and body composition competitors who advocated the messages of weights not making you bulky. I started to love what was happening. My body transformed... so did my entire life.

I'm still not where I want to be-- physically & emotionally. I am definitely making progress in liking the woman I see in the mirror. Having the right support is key. Here is a link to an amazing person's blog:
CONFIDENCE: Dana Lynn Bailey BLOG

Just as DLB says, finding clothes that fit is hard... and the negativity from strangers can really be loud and seem overwhelming. I aspire to accomplish even a fragment of what she has done. As a competitor, I would love to just qualify for Nationals... and as a person, I hope to find the kind of love she has with her husband and the CONFIDENCE she has. She has thickened her skin and the negativity seems to bounce right off. She is beautiful.