What IS normal?

Since my show I have gone overboard. I have legitimately eaten 3x what I should be each day... I've had nonstop indulgences and it shows. My abs are literally insulated and no longer visible... I've read many different posts about post-competition binging, but none from recovering compulsive over eaters.
Going into the show I knew I would be at risk-- but I told myself I would just be normal, eat healthy but allow myself meals out with friends etc... but I caved and old habits took over.

I'm working hard to try to find balance... feeling normal... not calling myself fat... eating well... staying healthy... all that jazz.

More soon.

First Show

Well, I did it! I learned a lot and look forward to trying again with all the things I learned from this first go-round.

I'm incredibly proud of myself. I've worked SO hard on my body for the last year and I brought an impressive physique to the competition ... now I just need to work on how I present it on stage (tan color, suit sparkle and posing).

I'll post more later, but wanted to post a few pics.
More on bodymorphpros.com forum.

Exceptional

I'm finding myself still caught off guard when people compliment my physique. One of my clients called me super human yesterday and I really thought she was just trying to be funny. I'm not sure if I will ever see myself as being in exceptional shape. I know I have come really far, but I have a long way to go before I can walk away from the veil of self-criticism that covered me for over 30 years.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm in great shape. I don't see myself as fat or have any body dimorphic-esque thoughts, but the fact is that I'm NOT normal. I don't want to be. I am me. I am different. I stand out. I am a freak. I am an exceptional human being.

the suit - changes - weight is just a number

This morning, I've been putting together bags of old clothes to take and donate to a local shelter. Before I toss "the suit" into the bag, I figured I'd take one last picture to see where my life has taken me.
In 2007, I reached 215lbs. The photo on the left is from my 25th birthday HAHA please ignore the face. I was pretty inebriated and the bow on my chest... well, I was cracking up because as a thank you for my surprise party, I was presenting my (then large) boobs to my boyfriend as a thank you. Ridiculous... so proud that I don't live that lifestyle anymore.

The center photo is from Labor Day 2009. I was in graduate school and had done Weight Watchers. I was in OA for my binging and my workouts are what you would classify under "cardio queen"-- I literally went to the gym at Marquette and would bike for 40 minutes and then get on the elliptical/arc for another 30 minutes.
But what this shows you is that I, genetically, have a large stature. My muscles had no shape because I was terrified of getting bigger. I had grown up being ashamed of my genetic gift and the idea of lifting weights and adding any additional size was terrifying for me!

The right is today. 10 weeks out from stepping on stage for the first time in a NPC Figure competition. I would like you all to look at the numbers... you look at me and nobody guesses I weigh 170lbs. That SOUNDS like a huge number. I'm just around 12% body fat right now and with contest prep, I'll likely be about 12 lbs tighter when I step on stage.
I'm a size 8 or 6 sometimes...but I have to buy larger to fit my shoulders and legs then get everything taken in.
***PLEASE NOTE ~~ I AM WAY BELOW WHERE ANYONE WHO IS NOT INTO BODYBUILDING/COMPETING SHOULD BE!! AT MY AGE, <17% IS CONSIDERED "EXCEPTIONAL" SO PLEASE, DO NOT SET GOALS BASED ON WHAT SOMEBODY LIKE ME HAS TO DO FOR COMPETITION
I have been lifting weights for almost a year and I am THRILLED about the shape my body has taken (and the transformation continues). The major strides I've made as far as self confidence goes are beyond what I thought possible. Sure, I still have my insecurities and it stings when ignorant people tell me I look like a boy or call me too muscular... but the positive feedback I get from most people in my world helps lift my spirits. Changing your body really does change your mind... and the reverse is true too! There are such huge emotional changes that accompany physical transformation!!!! This is why my goal is to call myself "Wellness Coach" offering personal training, diet consultation and emotional support counseling.

So... saying goodbye to "the suit" and hello whatever comes next along my journey.

click on image to see full size

Video

A coworker asked me to be his Guinea pig for a sample highlight reel he'll be making for his clients. Pretty sweet ;) even though I had no clue how to do speed bag and I kept laughing on the glider LOL

SAMPLE VIDEO

**we'll be making another one... and I'll be prepared this time-- wearing better clothes & shoes, plus including more weights and things that I am working on (aka no speed bag lol)